March Marks the Spot

days, lately, no matter how fast the clock's hands move, can never go faster for me. i can't wait for march 23 and march 28 to come! as i've said, march is a month of celebration, not only because some of my favorite people are celebrating their birthdays (as well as rafael, yay!) but because the month marks another milestone in one of my sister's life. AhAh is graduating, and this occasion would bring another medal, another diploma on our wall. and i know, no one can be prouder but my parents. it's just sad that my father would miss his second college graduation (he wasn't present in mine either and it's heartbreaking, you know, to graduate without one of your parents who has sacrificed a lot to help you get there) but i know, he's the happiest of us all. of course, the graduation isn't really final not until the ceremony's done so let's all please cross our fingers and pray that AhAh does make it. hehehe.

so, i filed for a one-week leave so i can go home to sugarlandia and attend the event because yes, i am such a stage sister. hahaha. the homecoming is also a chance for me to see D, IFM, and perhaps gladita, and raenyberry. and most of all, the homecoming would allow me to smother ananda with lotsa hugs and kisses! AND we're bringing her home to cebu!

my nanay thankfully agreed to drive us home (it's weird how negros is home, and cebu is also home in my posts. hehe) so i don't have to suffer cebu pacific's heart attack-inducing propeller flights. besides, andi has tons of stuff so it would be better to just travel by land so we can bring all her things. i can't wait for all of these to happen, really. i can't wait to see my daughter again, i can't wait to be with my mother and sisters and aunts and friends, and i can't wait for the vacation, ever!

but with andi's homecoming is also my anxiety that you know, i might not be a good mom to her and kuya. i can feel the pressure, right now (spoken in janina san miguel tone. har har). motherhood they say, kicks in naturally. it's instinct. but i am not ashamed to admit that i am still groping. that almost 4 years of having a little one still doesn't make me an expert, as others claim they are. oh yes, i can take care of them, no question with that. we can provide all their needs. but they don't only need food, shelter and clothes, right? they need more than that. and the more than that aspect is what actually scares me. yes, i love them with all my heart, nobody can argue that. i am a mother first and foremost but i am someone, something, else, as well. and i guess, what makes me anxious is that i may not be able to cope with the changes fast enough that i might be leaving something else behind. i can never be superwoman!

i have come up with a revised daily routine once andi will be here. it's being a tad OC i know but one can never be too sure what with a preschooler and a 10-month old in the house. i want to give them my equal attention so that nobody gets sacrificed but me. isn't it so mature-sounding? being willing to give up some things for yourself so you can give more to others? hehehe. and before everyone forgets, i have a husband as well! i am wondering if my husband is also having these concerns. hehehe.

i'll take everything one day at a time. i won't strive to be the "perfect" mom but i know, i'll try my best to be the "best" one for raf and andi.