On Sensitivity and Dressing Up Appropriately
a good friend from manila visited this week and last night, we had dinner at one of the restos in the beautiful ayala terraces. now this friend has been trying to get pregnant since i've known her, which is almost two years now. and everytime she'd come and meet with our other friends, one of the main topics of our discussion would always be pregnancy and childbirth.
last night wasn't so different. we, the mothers, blabbed about how scary and hard giving birth is and how more difficult it is to raise these kids. the limelight was more focused on our other friend and while everyone's talking, i found myself observing hoping-to-be-a-mother-soon friend.
i don't know, looking at W and thinking of the way our conversations always went with her made me think if we had been a little insensitive to her feelings. yes, perhaps dishing out advices and maybe theories, on how to finally get that stomach round and happy with a baby is helpful and sweet. and also, orienting her on both the wonderful and not-so wonderful (i am saying sleepless nights, painful and hurting boobs during breastfeeding, etc, you, mothers i know can relate) aspects of motherhood, as well as the challenges of raising children, just goes to show how much we care for her. of course, we're all rooting for her to have that bouncing little boy or girl soonest! but then, she comes here to cebu twice a year. and in those two nights per year that we'd get together over good food and drinks, we hardly talk about anything else but her efforts and our bliss of being mothers. don't you think she might be a little tired about the issue? and that she'd want us to talk about something else?
i don't know. again, it's just me. because perhaps, i am a little worried that we're adding to her pressure of having a baby. yes, we know that she wants that little of bundle of joy and they're doing everything to make it happen but i reckon she can only take so much of the egging and the teasing? that she might just suddenly burst from all the things we tell her to do to help her get pregnant. hehehe. well yeah, she enjoys these baby discussions but i am afraid we might be getting...overly concerned.
i wish the next time she'd visit, aside from the good news of being at last pregnant, we'd share stories about other things. like maybe work, make up, even chismis and clothes or what we'd do with the money if we'd win the lotto. hahaha. and if she's still not with child, we'd promise to pray more for her, and move on.
now, now. i am afraid i'll be getting stoned for this but it has bothered and distracted me so much lately that i just have to take this off my chest. i feel a little sick whenever i see women in their 40s and 50s sporting tube tops, or short skirts, or leggings or any outfit that allows them to flaunt their not-so flawless skin, complete with headband and other horrendous, unmatched accessories. i'm always for "dress up" or "flaunt it if you've got it" fashion slogan but in this case when they obviously don't have it and let's face it, they're too old for whatever fad they're trying to follow, i'd gladly accept the job of being a fashion police and arrest them. hahaha.
don't get me wrong. i've always thought that age or status or motherhood shouldn't hinder you from wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in, or make you feel good. i don't have any problem looking at 40ish grandmas wearing short dresses and cute slip ons if they can carry it well. it's not an issue with me as well if you're in your 30s already yet can still pull off a casual short shorts and a baby tee with gladiator sandals. but if you're a lola already, wrinkled, with sagging, dark skin that badly needs exfoliation, i won't suggest going out in short shorts, a venus pink, striped blouse (with matching one shoulder exposed) and a pair of 3-inch sandals. while those who have all the K (karapatan) to bare a little skin, cloth themselves in demure plains and prints and flat shoes.
again, it's just me. i think the way you dress and carry yourself in public reflects so much of your personality. this is a free country, anyone can go out in the outfit they want to but i'm hoping they'd think hard first before deciding on donning something that's a little out of their league. it's hard to take somebody seriously who doesn't even put the effort to dress appropriately.
i swear, this is pms.
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8 comments:
that's nice of you kat! there are just several topics under the sun that may sound insensitive as a table topic, but to filipinos it's rather casual or sometimes it may be just a joke. i know you have a good heart! i've always known that.
and as to silly women feeling fashionista. i agree with you... and this goes to fashionista wannabe too in their prime years. abi nila angayan sila, di biya to gihilasan lang uroy ko! LOL!
mao na, you're a welcome when i need to shop for clothes! just because, i'm lazy and you know that ;-)
@mommyblogs: i was thinking it could be because we are sometimes too involved in our friends' life (i have this tendency, i must admit) that we fail to draw the line between what's appropriate and considerate and sensitive and what's not.
manang, if kuyog pa ta ato, i know we'd look at each other and magsiga imong mata! hahaha.
sus intawon, i can remember the time i dragged u and mimi around every shop in ayala to find that perfect dress for andi's baptism. and u think ur lazy?? hahaha.
kat, that was so much fun! hahaha! ka remember ka ato nga day nga tanan taw ako kaila gatuo buros ko!? GRRR! nya mangatawa na lang kaha mo ni mimi noh? again, insensitive kaayo mga tao di ba? hehehe!!!
oh i miss that biya, although i can only hop around shops if i really need to buy clothes. ikaw na lang lagi ako personal shopper uy! hehehe!!! i know i can trust your taste! =)
@mommyblogs: as in! makarelate gyd ko. hehe. for me, ok ra tong mga innocent gyd who don't know. but katong balik-balikon na lang gyd sulti? hehe.
hahaha. sure ka? mahilig ra ba ko sa mga blouses and dresses for u na mudisplay sa imong mga assets? dili kaha ko kasab-an ni mark? hahaha.
re dressing your age - you are so funny! but i agree with you 100%. women should really dress their age. now i'm not saying that just because you're a lola you should wear dowdy clothes. hell no! esp if you've worked so hard (and paid so much) to maintain a slim figure. but really, tube tops with chicken arms? they don't go together. and neither do short shorts and varicose veins. =D
Grabe, I know what you mean about women not dressing their age. My mom's 52 and she has this friend who always dressed like she was 25. I told her to advice her friend to dress like her age, it just doesn't look right.... :) Being trendy is great, but you need to look classy as well, di ba? :)
@patricia: exactly my point pat! you can wear whatever u like as long as you have the body or the skin to show off. the short shorts and varicose veins combo just sounds and looks horrendous, doesn't it?
@girlash: yes, tinuod gyd. aging gracefully is different from nagmumurang kamatis. hehe. i admire women who grow more beautiful every year yet don't seem that inclined to attract attention for themselves by wearing loud, bawdy clothes.
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