Smart vs Pretty

i found this cool, feel-good book in fully booked - smart vs pretty. i just wasn't able to buy it because i am quite below the poverty line these days. hehe. growing up, i wondered how it feels to be you know, pretty. or beautiful. or even just plain attractive. those were never adjectives you'd use to describe me some 12 years ago. i was dark-skinned, with boring hair and boring facial features. it didn't help that i always had this snooty look on my face. boys never flocked to me to ask for my name or phone number. they'd come to me to ask for academic help. for the longest time, i wished i was popular because of my long hair or long eyelashes or very pretty face instead of being the editor of the school paper or being one of the top three in our batch. hahaha.

i know, i know! intelligence is still more important than say, gorgeous-ness, but it was only later in college when the term, intelligence is sexy, has been coined. before, being a smart-ass doesn't make boys fall on your feet. well, geeky ones would but really, i never wanted a nerd for a boyfriend. hahaha. your crush might know and admire you for your amazing speed in solving calculus problems but he'd never want a girlfriend smarter than his basketball-dreaming brains.

a lot has changed since college and it's not because i have at least looked human. hahaha. more than one person has observed that i am quite a headturner whenever we'd roam the malls and it's funny how i still had suitors when i was bursting with my first pregnancy. looking back now, i am glad i did well in both academics and extra curricular activities. people give you something more than a pretty face allows. they actually give you respect because you are well, smart. people look up to you because you have something in between your ears and it's not just a seductive pair of eyes. sometimes i get too smug knowing that yes, i have the face and the brains to match. it still amuses me that some get taken aback when i spew sensible sentences and ideas. i reckon they don't usually get that from halter- and short skirt-wearing barbie dolls. hahaha.

now i know better. there's always a cure for plain looking-ness. but there's almost no remedy for being uh, stupid. ang law-ay, may chance pa mag-gwapa. ang ma-ngo, wala na tsansa mag alam. :)

That Dreaded Feb 14 and other stories

my sister sent me this hilarious valentine's day message the other day and so i was again reminded that my not-so favorite (since i got married) date is just around the corner. okay, so maybe i am bitter that my husband isn't into the V-day when i, this hopeless romantic, always itch to join the throng of lovers out there crowding every fastfood and fine dining restaurant in the city. yes, valentine's day these days spell nothing but commercialization so kill me if i still feel like celebrating it. hahaha.

i checked the calendar and surprise surprise, the 14th falls on a saturday! so i thought of several ways to spend this ordinary saturday extraordinary.

• cook a special meal (pasta, karne frita or korean beef steak, and mango float for dessert)
• yes, go out, watch a movie and have some drinks afterward (provided raf lets his parents chill out for a night)
• buy several dvds the day before, cook pasta, sleep the whole day and do a movie marathon in the evening
• take raf out for some playtime and just spend on lunch
• sleep the whole morning and pretend it is indeed just another saturday

if i'd let my husband decide, we'd probably go for the last option because he has work the night before and there's nothing he'd want to do but sleep and rest the next day. i know, he is becoming boring as his long hair.

MEANWHILE

i have been following the death of one 24-year old MEPZ worker who was believed to have been raped and killed by her "textmate." according to reports, she has met this textmate through a radio station program designed for single, loveless and even those who just-want-to-meet-new friends, ladies and gents. it was supposedly their second meeting with the sole agenda of reclaiming her cellphone after the male textmate reportedly swapped phones with her on their first "date." her body was discovered in a grassy area behind a gasoline station a few days after the body of a slain call center agent was also found in a hotel. two horrifying murders in a week. there's no getting used to this. everytime you read and hear something as scary and unbelievable as this, you get the same reaction as the first time you realize these killings are possible and real - goosebumps all over your arms and the rapid beating of your heart.

i have listened to these radio programs a number of times. thanks to taxi drivers and even company drivers who seem to get a kick out of eavesdropping to some 20-year old girl discuss her vitat stats with a 25-year old out of school guy. the girl and guy, who i think call the radio station and wait for their turn to be on air, share personal information not only to each other but to a hundred or so listeners who never fail to tune in on time. in fairness, there are several ladies who don't answer very personal questions (like where exactly do you live, etc) and would only give their numbers off the air. when some callers sound hesitant, shy or just plain uninteresting, the djs egg and prod them on. the djs would try to take control of the conversation so the callers don't waste precious airtime. then after a few minutes, the two parties should have exchanged contact numbers and decided on an "eyeball" date and time for the call to be considered successful. at least, that's what i think it is.

the battle on which radio station gains the widest coverage and listenership (if ever there's a term) is fierce so of course, you can't blame the radio stations for coming up with this seemingly harmless and fun program with the single and unmarried population as its target. i bet they haven't seen this murder coming. and who would've thought that somebody would use this as a way to lure some victim into his liar? that is, if it's indeed proven that it was the victim's textmate who did this gruesome crime to her. police are looking into another angle citing it could be that while waiting for her textmate, another group of people with bad intent (it was established that more than one person could have abducted and killed her) got to her even before she met this textmate.

i hope justice would be given to both victims. it's a tiny way to compensate for their families' loss and grief.

Little Boy Blue

raf has been too clingy lately. and although he has always been a mommy-or-daddy-only kind of boy, he had never been the type to cry whenever we would leave for work. we thought we have explained to him well why we are out five times a week to work (because work allows mommy and daddy to buy you milk, food, clothes and shoes and pay for your playroom and eventually, school). lately though, he would complain to the yaya whenever it's TV patrol already and mommy is not yet home. you see, i don't go home until 7:30pm every night because we have to wait for our carpool. even before, i haven't been the 6pm-on-the-dot mom because there are still errands to run, groceries to buy and bills to pay. when i need to stay up late because of a social obligation or get-togethers, i would let him know beforehand so he doesn't wait for me. raf didn't have any problems with that. until now.

for two weeks now, he would cry endless while waiting for me. and it so happened that ppip has to leave earlier than usual so there's an hour or two gap between his departure and my arrival. everytime he'd wake up from his afternoon nap, he'd ask his yaya if it's nighttime already so "mommy would be home soon." on weekends that ppip is out, he'd grumble "daddy's late. he's working late again. dugay muuli." ppip also said that whenever he's asleep, raf would just stay in our room, either playing or doing nothing, waiting, until he wakes up.

we find it weird because our son wasn't like that before. my mother said that perhaps, raf has gotten used to having somebody else around aside from the helper when he was in negros. my tatay is always home and my nanay goes home for lunch and logs out from work at 5pm. and andi's there so he doesn't feel left out. the word "gibayaan" is in his vocabulary now, i think thanks to the neighbors' helpers who tell him "gibayaan na pod ka raf" whenever they'd see me leaving for work.

every night before sleeping, raf would kiss my hair and cheek and playfully whine, "ayaw na work mommy." and again, i'd explain that i have to work or else, we can't afford to buy milk and chicken and fish and dvds and shoes and pay for school and well, go to disneyland to see mickey and minnie and donald and pete. if only we have a choice, it's nice to just stop working and get andi from negros and have all the time in the world to dilly-dally, go out and have fun with them. but then, life doesn't work that way for us. this time, at least. there's a house to fix and tuition fees and a wedding to save for so perhaps, raf would have to wait for another year or two before his wish comes true.

Stupid vs Smart

i think i made a pretty bad mistake yesterday.

raf and i were lying in bed as i wasn't feeling well and had to call in sick. i was telling him that whenever we go out and visit mommy and daddy's friends' houses, i expect him to be courteous and polite and answer questions. we attended a party last sunday and true to his anti-social self, he refused to say anything when asked by our officemates. i don't know if he's just shy or what around adults but he's quite talkative when he feels at ease already.

"raf, only stupid people keep their mouth shut when they're being asked. and you're not stupid right, you're smart." i felt a jab in my ribs. i knew it was the husband. apparently, stupid is a word not suitable for three year olds. but what exactly is bugo in english? hehehe.

"mommy, i don't want to be smart. i just want to be stupid." i knew it! he was grinning that cheshire cat grin.

"but stupid boys don't get to be pilots. and you said you want to be a pilot. so you have to be smart." ppip already butted in.

"ah. well then, mag ride na lang ko sa airplane. dili na lang ko mag pilot."

Vexations to the Spirit

you'd think that as one gets older, one gets more mature, more perceptive, more honest, and less insecure, less envious and less...evil? hahaha. apparently, this doesn't apply to all. as they say, there are bound to be exceptions.

i don't understand old people who gossip about younger people. hell, i don't even understand why they gossip in the first place when supposedly, the younger person's the inferior and less rich one. really, i find it funny that the old woman bought a new, more expensive (kuno), vehicle, just because the younger lady bought a new car. and, the old woman brags to anybody who made the mistake of talking to her that her vehicle's more mahal. as if somebody, apart from her minions, really care.

it's amusing. people who exert great effort just to prove their "superiority" and "wealth" and "status" are amusing. and she's what, in her 50s or 60s?

i tell my mother, "at your age, you shouldn't be bothered with silly things like office gossip. you had your first 25 years to deal with those. if she has a problem with you, let her be. it's envy. and the weird thing is that, what is she envious about? we are not rich. we are not famous. well, perhaps it's the fact that you're younger, glowing, happy and content. while she is old, withered and bitter. "

i guess when you're dissatisfied with how your life turned out to be, when you're unhappy with the things life has thrown your way, when your kids don't exceed your expectations, you unleash your anger on innocent bystanders.

i pity people like this old woman. instead of enjoying the remaining years of her life, she spends it on useless, pathetic things like spreading rumors and making himantay. if only she knows how foolish and funny she sounds and looks like. and that is something, my dear friends, a lot of shiny, sparkling jewelry, branded clothes nor a very expensive vehicle, cannot compensate for.

Qualification: Impeccable Customer Service

friday nights are usually reserved for dinner and nightout with friends. whenever i have to go out, i often ask if we can have it on a friday so i don't have to be a killjoy when i need to leave by 9pm since there's work the next day.

last friday was booked for K, C and M. dinner was at banana leaf, as agreed with K. it was my second time and though my first one was a disaster, to say the least, i was willing to give the new restaurant another chance. banana leaf is among the several new restaurants that opened at the ayala terraces. cuisine is asian fusion and though a bit on the pricey side, their food is yum yum. but customer service is horrible.

the first time i was there, the rotti, which is an appetizer, was served during dessert. and we had to wait for 30 minutes (after the first batch of food was served) for two of our dishes. their waitresses were not alert to refill our drinks and most of the staff weren't friendly. when i subtlely raised my concern, i was assured by one of their friendlier waitresses that it was only that day when their kitchen staff's a little slow. "karon ra gyd ni mam," was what she told me. i jokingly said that their chef might be having a bad day. we let it go because it was their first week anyway and well, there's always room for improvement.

fast forward to last friday, a month or so after my first visit, i was aghast to discovered that they still have the same unfriendly and uber slow service. we ordered three dishes. the first two, grilled squid and kangkong, were served a little after 15 minutes. we started eating because C, K's husband, still has work. 20 minutes later, we made a follow up on the third dish, clams in chili sauce, if i remember it right. we were told it would be ready in 2 minutes. 1, 2, 3, 5, 10 minutes after, there's still no clams in chili sauce on our table. we then decided to cancel the order and ask for our bill. para tagam ba. K did all the talking because she was the braver one. hahaha.

the waitress appeared on our table after we called out to another staff that we want our bill. she asked if we'd cancel the order and we said, "yes." that was when she started her monologue. she requested if we can just cancel our "cancellation" and bring the dish home instead since the cost of it would be deducted from her salary. softhearted as we are, we looked at one another and tried considering our decision but medyo lisod na. we said, "no, we're done eating. we don't want it anymore."

we can sense her fear when she left our table. then she came back, with the manager in tow. the manager reiterated the request if we can just bring home the order instead of cancelling it because the waitress would have to pay for it. we were like, "what the?" K explained that we understand that it's not the waitress' fault but it's not ours, either. they didn't serve the order on time and there wasn't even an apology for it. we were expecting the manager to apologize for the service but instead, he was asking us to pay for the food we didn't, and don't want to eat anymore! the waitress almost begged, "mam, sir, please give me a chance." i was heartbroken because i understood her situation, she didn't have control over the kitchen but our point is, it's the restaurant or the management's problem. eventually we gave in and had the dish wrapped and ready for take out.

before we left, K gave the manager a big piece of her mind. you see, it wasn't the first time. and we eat out often enough to know that not all restaurants have the same lousy service as banana leaf offers to their customers. i was irritated at how the manager handled the situation. other restos would profusely apologize for the inconvenience and would even offer to give the food for free. but what did this banana leaf manager do? helped his waitress beg for us to take out the food, no explanation whatsoever. i don't think he knows the responsibility his position entails.

i don't know if i'd ever go back there. yes, the food is delicious but eating there stresses me so much. and you know what they say, that even if you serve the most tempting cuisine yet your service sucks, you're bound to go down the drain. so i say, good luck banana leaf.

trying to forget the dinner fiasco, we trooped to coffee bean and tea leaf for our nightcap. i am not allowed to have coffee but i drink decaf fraps. my absolute fave is starbucks' decaf caramel frap. i asked the CBTL's cashier upon ordering if they do decaf for their ice blended drinks. he said, "yes" so i ordered one decaf caramel ice blended drink. when i claimed my order, i double checked if it's indeed decaf. the staff answered, "ay mam sorry, we don't have decaf for the ice blended drinks." what the?? are you gonna kill me? and he didn't even sound sorry.

i took a deep breath, counted 1 to 5 and said, "okay, you should've told me earlier. the cashier said you do decaf but anyway, it's all right." i wasn't about to lose my cool on a P135 drink. but it took so much for me to resist the urge of saying something not so nice to the cashier. so i drank the coffee but knowing how much i'm gonna suffer later, i only finished 1/4 of it. i had palpitations until saturday afternoon.

establishments like banana leaf and CBTL (but it was the first time i had a bad experience there so maybe i can still forgive them) should really start working on improving their service. nowadays, people are more aware that they deserve good customer service than anything else. i used to let things like these pass by but lately, i have been more outspoken and more aggressive. we are paying customers, we deserve nothing less than impeccable service. and if you can't give us that, then we're heading off to the next restaurant. and i bet, the food there is way, way better than yours.

Setting and Resetting Priorities

ppip and i planned to visit at least one new place every year. and supposedly this year, we're going either to boracay (i know, i know, loser-sounding kaau that i haven't been there yet! hahaha), baguio and vigan (new for him at least) camiguin, or davao.

but now, thinking of the critical situation we are in, i am having serious thoughts about not pushing through with our initial plans. i reckon this year's not the best time to travel even if we have the budget for it. for one, we have decided to do another semi-major house job. the interior flooring we had spent on last december had disappointed us and we're thinking of having it re-done. second, my nanay has prettified our garage/garden (her christmas gift to us was this landscaping job) and now, we find it a little off that our exterior's beautiful but our interior's still in shambles. hehe. and since we're doing this floor renovation, we might as well fix some parts of the house to make our pay to the carpenter, who we're importing straight from bais city, sulit. i've had it with local workers who bleed you dry yet don't even produce satisfactory results.

thinking about it now, i'd rather spend on and do house construction while andi's still not here instead of dilly-dallying for a few days and continue to be miserable (a bit) about the house's condition. anyway, if by the end of the year, we still have have enough (after putting something on our savings account - we now have one yay!), we can decide what to do or where to go. it sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it?

i can't wait for this renovation. it would make our house look half-decent. then we'd save up some more for the paint job and kitchen overhaul. really, owning a house and lot is just half the story. furnishing and making it livable according to one's standards is the other half.

Batch '95

class picture

it was a hastily-drawn plan, the get together. if it weren't, more than 9 people would show up, i bet. but then, considering my penchant for last-minute deals these days, i came up with the idea of having a small tapok-tapok for our elementary friends (not really batch because that would require a bigger venue than our humble abode. hehe) well, 2 days before our target date. it was supposed to be on december 31 but my parents had to say no because we just cannot host a party, even a small one at that, when some of our relatives would be there. so we had the get-together moved to jan 1.

oh, we had fun! it was amazing how we still have very vivid memories of our elementary years considering how long ago it was (just 13. hehehe). they cannot get over my story about how i used to ask this one classmate to buy me something from the lunch counter (that's the canteen or cafeteria for you) because i was too lazy to go out. then i'd give her like, P5.00, and tell her to keep the change. hahaha. i am not proud of that but i was happy because when i saw that particular classmate when we were in college already, she has improved a lot - looks and personality-wise. so she doesn't seem like somebody you'd want to boss around. and i swear, i am not like that anymore. hahaha.

let's see what else i have remembered from that few hours of non-stop talking over leftover spaghetti, ham, grilled pork steak, lumpia, and cake:

• the nonstop playing of hopscotch (piko gud. haha), shakay, chinese garter and kick (we use calachuchi flowers for this particular game). classes in the afternoon start at 1:30 but most of us would go back at 12:30nn so we can play first. then we'd continue it after school. i remember my nanay grumbling everytime i'd go home with dirty uniform (yes, niagi ko kabulingit. hahaha) and unkempt hair. my tatay would always scold me when he'd see me wearing only slippers to school. i mean, everybody's wearing rubber slippers so why can't i???
• every year during homeroom, a birthday celebrator would stand in front so everybody can sing happy birthday for her. and then yes, all classmates get to kiss her. even her crush. hahaha.
  
• most of our classmates loved our THE classes (technology and home economics). the boys were particularly good at industrial arts while the more domesticated girls got high grades in home economics. unfortunately, i got my first (and only! in my whole academic career!) 75 during my grade 5 IA class. i wasn't good at drawing so i didn't submit a project. so the teacher gave me an almost failing grade. it was a good thing i impressed my HE and agriculture (can you imagine me digging earth and watering plants at 11 freaking 30 am??) teachers so my 75 was pulled up by my 98 or so grades in the other subject areas.
• i miss the ice scramble, miswa, mango shake and arroz caldo we'd usually have for recess. and there was this one vendor, murray, who is well known in our town because she doesn't only sell in our school but in the government offices as well. she had polio when she was a kid so she has difficulty walking and speaking. the kids used to make fun of her but looking back now, i admire her for working so hard so she can support her nephews and nieces.
• i was in grade 4 when my nanay decided that i'm old enough to walk to her office after class hours so we can go home together. she usually doesn't like me playing at school because i go home late and i end up looking and smelling very yucky. hahaha. so what i'd do, i'd bring my friends at her office so we can play in their lawn and she can monitor me.
• it is our pride to be one of those batches who won a regional award in verse choir. the winning piece? john durham something. hahaha.
  
• you wouldn't believe it but i used to join singing contests. you don't have to know that i lose everytime. hahaha.
  
• but i was always among the "leaders" during field demonstrations. i can't sing but i can dance. hahaha.
  
• i was a star scout and eventually a girl scout. but i never did any of those camping things. except in grades 1-3 where we get to stay in a classroom with a decent bathroom. but when i reached grade 4, girl scout level, and we had to pitch our own tents, cook food outdoors and, this is the biggest problem of all, take a bath with our clothes on while fetching water from a well situated at least half a kilometer from the campsite, i packed my bags and said, "my allergies are kicking in. i can't do this." and then i called my mother to pick me up. i joined the daytime activities but i'd always go home every night. i know, there's no fun in that but i am a primadonna like that. at 11.
  
• we had this teacher in grade 6 who made us sell pulvoron and yema everyday. we took turns selling, 1 pack of pulvoron and 1 pack of yema per day. when it would be my turn to sell, i'd bring the packs home and let my mother buy everything. easy profit! but i guess it's now illegal for teachers to sell stuff to their students or to make their students sell something for them. back then, it was no big deal.
  
• i also sold serg's egg chocolates when i was in grade 1. P0.50/piece if i remember it right. hehehe.
  

gosh, i can go on and on! we did enjoy bringing all those memories back and laughing over the good and not-so good ones. we're planning to do another get together this december but we have to do all the organizing way earlier so we don't end up eating leftovers again. hahaha.

Fighting the Big C

this year is not gonna be easy, we all know that. and i must say, some are having it more difficult than the others. i should know. i have friends who are losing their jobs and i, myself, won't get a raise this year. boo hoo, i know, but when i learned about another friend's situation, i gave me a lashing because yes, i have no right to complain.

one of my closest friend's father was diagnosed with cancer. and it was cancer too which took her mother several years ago. another close friend lost her father to the big C a few years back. and until now, she hasn't gotten over it that she cries whenever she talks about it. my heart bleeds whenever i see how these people continue to struggle and fight for their loved ones. yes, i may not know how they feel exactly, but i understand their pain.

my father's friend just discovered his illness when he had an operation. prior to that, he didn't have any idea that some dangerous cells are lurking in his system somewhere. isn't it unfair? there are no signs, no symptoms or perhaps, if there were any, those were very minimal that they were overlooked. then BAM, the doctor tells you, you have stage 3 cancer? i bet my friend's dad felt cheated.

cancer, for me, is not only a dreaded disease that gnaws and eats at your system then leaves you dried and withered. it's a dealbreaker. it's like an ugly mistress that lures innocent people into eating the "shouldn't-be-eaten" and doing the "shouldn't-be-done" so it can claim your soul and break your family apart. the saddest part is that, it's not only the patient that suffers. it's the rest of his family and friends.

but then, cancer is reality. we cannot just hurl it to the wind and say, "go away" but we can avoid it. everything starts with a healthy lifestyle. now, with the economic crisis and all, is the right time to take those steps to cancer awareness and prevention. we can save ourselves, and our family and friends.

my friend and i were talking last week and i tell her, "you know, if everything doesn't work out the way we want it to work out, just be strong." i am heartbroken for her, and i am sure, whatever i am feeling, is not even 1/4 of the devastation she's going through. this is her dad, and this is cancer.

to everyone who cares to drop by my blog, i'd like to request for a small prayer for all cancer patients out there. this is for them, brave souls who decided to fight and those stronghearted who lost but persevered. cancer is a menace but nothing beats the miracle of a prayer. this is not only the battle of those stricken with the disease. this is our battle.

So Long

i value relationships. i am the type who'd sacrifice, give in and exert effort to cultivate and maintain an honest and open relationship with my family and friends. but. i am also not afraid to walk away from anything that isn't healthy anymore. from anything that hurts, destructs and threatens me. maybe it isn't good and right, maybe i am being too ma-pride by being forgiving but not forgetting.

somebody asked me if i am ready to face this certain someone who made my life a bit difficult before. and i said, "no. maybe in time. but soon? no."

i don't want to sound all righteous and sweet and say, "of course, yes, i'd like to see her. past is past and i've already forgotten what she did and said about me." my brain, and heart, doesn't work that way, unfortunately. i don't have any problems saying "sorry" because i know i had a part in that drama as well. however, i don't think now, or sometime soon, is the right time for that confrontation. maybe when all disappointmens and frustrations have died down, maybe when the sting of being betrayed would finally go away, that's when i can genuinely welcome her into my life again. the thing about me is, i am sincerely nice and thoughtful and kind (sa mutuo mo or sa dili. hahaha) when i consider you as a friend or someone close to my heart. but when my trust is broken, or when i am repeatedly hurt, i turn into this cold, unfeeling monster who wouldn't give you the time of the day. tama na, palitan na, ang drama. hahaha.

so maybe 5 years from now i'll change my tune and be willing to be friends with her again. but for now, i'll take my lovely time and heal whatever that needs to be healed.

Sinulog at Tabunok

i started the sinulog frenzy by watching poohkwang at the waterfront with M and Z. needless to say, i had fun! some jokes were recycled but the two comedians did very well in delivering them flawlessly so i still laughed my guts out. it's amazing how the hotel's grand ballroom was jampacked (as in there were countless people standing at the back) as if it was sharon cuneta or uh, britney spears?, performing. we were seated at the back (we couldn't afford the P2500 seats. although if i had money, i'd pay P2500 if that means having the chance to kiss john lloyd!) and it didn't help that i am only 5' and some people were too inconsiderate as to keep on walking back and forth, looking for better seats, even when the show already started. i had to casually rebuke some overdressed teeners who stacked at least 3 chairs so they can see better. hello, we all paid the same amount so you can't do that! hehehe.

i was just disappointed that we weren't able to go backstage to have our pictures taken with john lloyd. my friend, who was working as a crew for the event, said they're too busy and that security's really tight so he would have a hard time ushering us in. oh well, i only gorged on east west's (btw, they're now open at the IT park, right beside casa verde) mango sushi crepe to relieve my frustration. hahaha.

early saturday morning, raf was asking to go to ayala or sm so he can play in the playroom and go window shopping. we decided we'd go to sm late in the afternoon to have dinner and to also watch the pyrofest. traffic's a little bad on the way to the mall but nevertheless, we arrived in a little less than one hour. every restaurant was full and the waiting list took on forever. although i must say, the crowd's not that maddening. yes, the mall was teeming with people but it's not like you couldn't breathe already. i haven't tried going inside the shops though, especially inside the department store. the raket only started when the first fireworks show lit the sky. everyone was running around, trying to catch a glimpse of the amazing skyshow. sm's elevators weren't very efficient that night so we have to run 5 sets of stairs to reach the roofdeck where the view's the best. it was instant exercise for me. hahaha. we waited for all six fireworks entries to make the trip to the city sulit. hahaha. we didn't wait for the winner to be called though because we don't want to be caught in the stampede. i try to avoid crowds as much as possible. i am not claustrophobic but i always get scared when people start shoving and pushing already. it was a good thing my taxi driver suki was covering the streets that night. he fetched us at sm and we were able to get a ride while a hundred (i am not kidding!) or so were stranded, with no jeepneys or taxis in sight.

we didn't have definite plans for sunday but we were thinking of going to the city to join the festivities. i ordered lexmark sinulog shirts for raf and me in case we'd go out and shout "pit senyor!" it was 1:30PM when we kinda said, "nah, let's stay at home instead." channel 3 featured aerial shots of the city's main roads and when i saw how srp was congested with cars and vans and taxis waiting to swarm fuente and mango, the more i resolved not to go out. i mean, i just couldn't risk raf out there. i knew how the crowd can be pretty rough and the weather's also not promising. for once, i let my primadonna self took over.

so what did we do instead? we went to gaisano tabunok amidst the husband's protests ("mag-unsa man ta sa tabunok??" hahaha) and ate pizza and browsed booksale's super discounted books. raf found an old "curious george" book and i bought two novels as well. before we headed home, i bought some chocolate caramel cake and a half kilo of shrimp for dinner. ppip cooked the shrimp in his secret mix and well, it beats any restaurant-concocted dish anytime!

maybe next sinulog we'd go out, maybe we won't. maybe we would live near the city so it would be easier for us to join the festivities. or maybe we'd have our own car so commuting wouldn't be such a bitch. hehehe. but surely, sinulog would always be a family affair.

Some Sacrifices We Just Have to Make

a friend told me she can't believe how i can manage to leave andi in negros while we are here in cebu. don't i miss my daughter, she asks?

i get a lot of questions like that. and sometimes, i must admit, i get offended especially when their statements go like, "grabeha pd nimo. ngano gibilin man didto? makaya ra bya gyd na if naa na." i guess some things are easier said than done. especially when that somebody who dishes out those statements hardly have an inkling about what it's like to have two kids. or even just one kid, at that.

yes, it's doable. yes, it's manageable. yes, i can take care of two kids, work and survive on 4-hour rest everyday. it is doable. BUT i didn't do it not because i am a senyora who likes to take things nice and easy but because i don't want to sacrifice my child's safety when the husband and i work for 12 hours everyday and our home is like, eons away from the city. andi is quite sensitive. she is lactose- and soy-milk intolerant and even now that she's 7 months old, she cannot just eat anything that babies her age can. she is allergic to dust and even baby oil doens't sit well with her skin because she gets rashes. some would say, "sulayi ra gud." "arte lang na ang ubang doctor." but this is not your baby we are talking about. if you can risk your baby's safety by not following doctor's advice, i cannot. the last time we left andi with our careless and clumsy helper, she got hospitalized overnight because of dyspepsia.

i'd rather you know, miss her everyday, but know that she is fine and well taken care of than have her here with us yet leave her at 7 am when she just woke up and arrive at 8pm when she's already asleep. plus, the eternal problem of not having somebody really trustworthy and efficient and with good hygiene to be her yaya keeps cropping up every now and then. finding a good yaya these days is like looking for a good job that will make you happy and pay you well at the same time.

it's hard for a parent to let somebody else mother her children while she's away. as much as i'd want to stay at home longer so i can be there for them all the time, i can't. as i've mentioned, these are tough times and the husband and i have to work so we can ensure our family's welfare. some things have to be sacrificed and it's just too bad that we have to be away from our daughter for her first 9 months. i know i shouldn't even be explaining this but there are just conversations and observations that can't be let go until you air it out.

i can't wait for the little girl to be here. but for the meantime, we'll make do with phone calls and lullabies sang over the air. that's just the way it is.

Pit Senyor!

it really is friday already! and in a few hours, i'll be seeing john lloyd in the flesh! hahaha. yes, M, Z and i will be watching the poohkwang show at the waterfront and joining the rated A comedians are john lloyd and the coverboys. i am trying not to be too excited, i might faint if ever i'd have the chance to kiss john lloyd. let's just forget i am married for a while, shall we? hahaha.

raf and i have made plans for sinulog. we're gonna dance, he said. i have two friends coming over and i am thinking of meeting them up tomorrow for sm's pyrofest in case we won't make it on sunday. i am still having second thoughts about coming here to the city for the grand parade. sure, it would be fun to watch the contingents and take in the splendor of the celebration but i am kinda wary of the big crowd that would surely flood the streets. it would be fine if it's only me and ppip but if you have a three-year old, it's another story. and sinulog would be no fun if raf can't go with us. it's amazing how raf has grown up to be this... this, kid. he talks sensibly and he has reasons and excuses for everything. and he now gets embarrassed! hahaha.

oh well anyway, let's see how the weekend would go. i am planning to sleep the whole morning tomorrow so i'd have enough strength in case we'd decide to do some saturday night partying.

pit senyor everyone! :D

photo grabbed from our sinulog ad

Harder

it's scary how everyday you can hear stories of people currently on forced leave and some losing their jobs at the blink of an eye. we're not spared, but we're happy because we still have our jobs. and that's the more important thing - to still have a job that would allow us to feed our kids 3 times a day and pay our bills on time.

it's not easy, living in this difficult time, but i always think, that "hey, it could be worse." i, for one, have set my priorities before 2008 ended. i know that with the global crisis or not, with the merit increase or not, we'd only have enough for the family's needs and just enough elbow space for some weekend eat outs. we're limiting our weekend trips to the malls to twice a month and instead of taking the taxi, we've compromised to riding the bus. raf is big enough anyway to survive a bus ride.

we're taking this challenge one day at a time. and every night, i am thankful that i and my friends and loved one have gone through another day, safe and sound. yes, it might be a stressful day but here we are, alive and kicking and blogging and healthy so what more can we ask for? and one day, this too shall pass and we'd pat ourselves in the back for holding on steadfastly and for having so much faith. yes, this too shall pass.

For the Love of Make Up

the colors of love. hahaha. that's me and my tattered sleeping outfit on the mirror.

i love make up! and had i not known one friend who doesn't like make up (at all!), i would say, "what girl doesn't?" but then yes. there's actually one person, and a lady at that, who doesn't get excited over lip gloss, cheek stain and the miracle that is concealer. i was really shocked when she said she's not into it. and that she doesn't even apply powder nor lipgloss when she goes to work. perhaps a little bit of baby powder to remove traces of oil but not pressed powder, blush on and lipstick. well, i am not saying every girl should be a fan of nars, body shop or mac. it just feels weird to know (or maybe it's just really me) that this particular girl hasn't even bought a tube of lipgloss ever since.

my fascination with make up started when i was in high school though i haven't started wearing them until senior college. i just started with the pressed powder and lipgloss combo and my high school best friend always made fun of me. then in college, i had more freedom to use cheek stain and masscara but i have never been the eyeshadow/eyecolor type of girl. i always end up smudging the colors on my eyelids because i have this weird mannerism of touching my eyes and lashes every now and then.

i don't wear much make up to work - just foundation, pressed powder, cheek stain, and lipstick. but when i am home, my face is devoid of anything. i just slather moisturizer all over my face to keep it supple. i rarely go out without at least a hint of lipgloss on my lips or else, i'd look sickly and pale. hahaha. i believe you don't have to go for the more expensive brands, what's more important is that you are hiyang with the product. what's the use of donning the high end products if you're allergic to it? over the years, i have discovered the perfect make up brands for my type of skin and i must say, they don't really create a big dent on my budget. i only have three lipstick tubes in my kikay kit and these are the ones that don't make my lips chappy and dry.

finding the tumpak make up shade and brand is just half of the story. looking for and finding that somebody who can memorize and glamorize every contour of your face is the other half. i am talking about having your make up soulmate - the make up artist who can turn you into a goddess, not the goddess' clown. i, admittedly, don't know how to prettify myself for a major ball or event that's why i am in this constant search for good make up people who won't terrorize my face. thankfully, it seems i have found him/her and that's big thanks to my friend M, who recommended S to me. i am also proud to have the great aileen siroy work her wonders on me during my cousin's wedding in tagaytay last year.

if i have enough time and money, i'd love to learn how to do make up. not really professional make up but at least, higher-than-the-basic-level make up. i know it would be fun and of course, i can save myself, and my friends, money when we need to go somewhere posh and fab. i can blab about make up the whole day and not get tired of it. hahaha. what inspired this entry? it's this amazing make up set given by my boss and his wife as their christmas present to me (picture above). they gave me my first "mini suitcase" two years ago and most of the contents of that suitcase are with my mother already because the colors and texture don't really blend well with my skin. now this second one is just perfect. i love, love the colors. ppip asked me what am i gonna do with all of it and well, a girl just couldn't have enough make up, could she? ;)

Friday Hodgepodge

raf's serious, mura tag-iya sa hacienda look

it's a friday and i can wear what i want to! yay! today i decided to wear my favorite guess skirt to work. i swear it's not that short. and i paired it with the white i blouse i swiped from my sister's closet and the white loafers i bought from carcar. then i completed the i-am-from-highschool look with my new hot pink UCB messenger bag which i carry as a shoulder bag. yes, this used to be my high school ensemble. i usually pair short skirts with either a pair of keds or loafers. i only had one pair of pants pre-college years. hahaha.

i love fridays because it's like having an excuse to wear something you really want. you like to dress down? go! it's friday anyway. you like to wear something dressy? you can! it's friday, the day for night outs and dates. while mondays and thursdays are reserved for the usual slacks and blouses, friday is like the day you can go all out on your wardrobe choice. but it's not like i wear slacks to work anyway. hahaha.

***

somebody has been hounding me since last week. and she's getting on my nerves already although i am trying very hard to be patient with her.

***

raf has been watching too much tv. i should know. he can recite all those commercials with matching intonation and silly smile. his favorite now is the latest coke ad, where the models do this C hand sign and say, "coke syempre." he knows his way around our mac mini and watches curious george, handy manny and mickey mouse everyday. last night, i teased him endless about him looking more like george (george is a monkey, by the way) each day. he was so adamant in saying, "dili oi." hahaha. i love teasing raf because he reacts. then after a few minutes, he'd give in to whatever you're telling him and act all deadma. then again, after a few minutes, he'd take it back and start being pikon again. hahaha. ppip slapped me playfully in the leg because i wouldn't stop laughing and whispering "george" to raf's ear. hahaha. yes, i can be very makulit when i want to.

***

tomorrow will just be spent at home. i am planning to cook carbonara and the husband requested for fruit salad. ah, thank God for fridays. :)

The IT Girl (I Wish!)

M, Y, and A, my lunchmates here in the office, and I had our christmas dinner and "exchanging gifts" mid-December last year. it's so amazing how they all know what to get me and i was so happy that they loved my gifts for them as well.

M doesn't read my blog and i haven't mentioned my wishlist to them save for the usual book titles and shoe size and preferred bag color so there wasn't any chance she had any idea what i really want for christmas. plus, this particular gift i already assigned to the husband because i showed it to him during one of our trips to the mall. so imagine my surprise when i opened M's gift and found this very lovely Belle de Jour planner! and what's funny was that when she handed me the gift, she was saying something like, "before you react to my gift, let me explain first why i decided to get you that, ok?" hahaha. little did she know that i was already eyeing this planner when i first saw it on powerbooks' online site.

belle de jour is french fashion lingo for the IT girl

what prompted M to get this planner for me are the discount coupons included. she knows i love to shop! hahaha. but now that i vowed to shop less, i am thinking of giving out some of the coupons (except the food coupons, i think. glutton! hahaha) to my friends who might be interested.

flipping through the planner's pages, i realized that it is indeed every kikay and go-getter's best companion. aside from the hourly and daily scheduler, there are spaces for "most important tasks" and even an expense tracker and "i'm grateful for" list! talk about setting priorities. what's cooler even is that it has this 2009 Goals page where you can put in your personal life goals, fitness goals (ahem!), financial goals (more ahem!), career goals, habits to start/break and new experience and things to try and learn. isn't it neat or what?

the 2009 Goals page

another nice feature is the dream board where yes, you can jot down your dreams and ambitions in life. hahaha. what i'd like to do with this is to post some pictures (of a rav4 or an altis, a nice house in a nice neighborhood and i don't know, some tourist destinations, perhaps) to further enhance my visualization. *wink, wink*

the "someday, maybe list" and dream board pages

i haven't gotten used to using our email's calendar so what's on top of my desk now is my belle de jour planner, filled with meeting skeds and parties and lunch and dinner dates. and yes, contact numbers of several shops, restos and whatnots that i am too lazy to encode in my online phone book (which is the phonebook ng bayan because when somebody needs the contact number of a certain establishment, they go directly to me). the only downside to this pretty planner though is it's size and weight. it's too heavy and bulky to be placed in my bag so i end up lugging it around, with the good chance of me leaving it somewhere. so i am thinking of just bringing it home on fridays so i don't forget weekend rendezvous.

so if you're still looking for that perfect planner, head to the nearest powerbooks or national bookstore and grab a belle de jour one now.

p.s: this is not a paid ad. hahaha. pictures from the belle de jour website.

Scam!

this is the first time i will blog about this although this isn't the first time i got something like this through email and text. and i know, i am not among the first persons to get this "lucky" in some random, unidentified lottery.
i supposedly won 1,000,00o euro (!) in a lottery drawn in the netherlands (the neverlands, more likely. haha). they gave me reference, batch and ticket numbers. if i didn't know any better, i could have had a heart attack knowing i won that much and without even doing anything!

as i've mentioned (and i bet even some of you received these notorious text messages), several emails and text messages have victimized a good number of people already. there were text messages which state that they won this much in a raffle and they have to contact this so and so lawyer so they can claim their prize. while others would tell the winning mobile number subscriber to reply with their account number so they can immediately deposit the amount they won. at first glance, it is quite amazing. and believable. especially for somebody who's not aware that scams do happen and that there are actually people who feed on others' desperation. there are DTI permit numbers and names and contact numbers so who are you to think that it is an ugly and horrible way to steal money from somebody and not an answer to your nightly prayers?

several actually believed it and went as far as sending load to that person who informed them of their winning to keep the communication going and worse, sent a certain amount of money as "processing fee" so the prize could be deposited to their account asap. it's sad.

well, you couldn't blame the victims. they might need money and here's this surprising "blessing" that just popped out of nowhere, telling them they actually have more than enough to pay the bombay, the sari-sari store debts, and the kids' tuition. verifying the authenticity of that raffle isn't the first thing that comes to mind. it's the P500,000.00 or even P1,000,000.00 that you won! you only begin to doubt everything when this atty. so and so stops replying to your text messages and calls after you reloaded his number with P100.00.

i thought these scammers stopped already last year when most of their tactics were exposed in several news programs. apparently, there are still some who are hopeful that they can trick a few fish to their bait. tsk tsk. for the meantime, let's just all be vigilant with these raffle draws, lotteries and anonymous text messages. at this time when everyone's feeling the crunch, there are some who would take advantage of others' weakness. let's pray for the souls of these losers, and evil schemers scammers, that they all burn in hell. *evil grin*

Tidbits

i hug you. a hug is the least expensive cure in the world.

it's such a weird feeling - this feeling i am having right now. friendship, like love, can be quite complicated. it can hurt and scar. and it can also be unrequited.

***

do people who abandon you in times of need deserve a second chance?

***

simplify. i like this word. it has that magic to make everything easy and understandable. i told an IS guy to simplify instructions, especially when sending through email, because not all people are techies. i am one of the most technologically-inept people you'd ever meet. although i know, if only i'd give it enough time and concentration, i can figure things out on my own. but then, it's the IS people's job to figure things out for us because we have our own tasks and specialties. so yes, "simplify" should be in their vocabulary from now on. hahaha.

***

we're taking down our christmas decors this weekend. and i'm gonna sort out our shoe rack. if it's up to me, i'd throw away some stuff that are totally useless anyway (like some CPUs, elec fans, etc) but we just don't know where to put them. we can't leave it outside our house because it would ruin the scenery (haha!). maybe i'd wait for the weekly trash bus and just dump everything on the trash boys' eager hands. i can't wait to de-clutter. i know i should have done it before we left for negros but well, i had other priorities. hehehe.

ah, the weekend holds so much promise but i have two more days before that bliss.

Hopeful

things are looking up. and i hope, with renewed determination to hold tight to my new year's goal to shop and spend less, we can finally breathe easier and live, not the same lavish lifestyle, but one that would enable us to support our little family yet allow us also to relax once a while. raf is going to school on june already and it's unbelievable how expensive it is sending a four-year old to preschool. now, this is when we tell ourselves that all bonuses and extra money should go to education, house improvement and basic, basic, needs. although, i have put in in our goals list, that we should also travel and visit at least one new place (not abroad though for now) every year. i am looking at our company's 2009 calendar and plotting the days when i would file for VLs. as much as possible, i'd want to be out when the boss is also out so i don't have to worry if his schedule gets screwed up or not while i am away.

i am hoping also we can already pay the amount we owe to my parents in full within the year. yes, they're not harassing us or anything but still, it would be good to finally pay them. the total sum of what we consider as utang to them, at least. which is basically the equity of our house. as for the constant support they extend to us, it's priceless i know. yet, they don't go around demanding things from us when they're here. it doesn't take much to make them happy.

2009 started great and fun and continued with us being stranded in san carlos for a day but that would be another entry altogether. what i am saying is, we welcomed 2009 with much laughter and togetherness and hope in our hearts. there's no reason to be afraid, to be insecure, to be uncertain. things won't take care of ourselves but we'd always find a way. and that's enough for me to know that this year will just be as cool as the previous ones. what makes it cooler even is my resolve to do certain, meaningful things as opposed to living life carelessly. so yes, things are looking up. my 2009 budget excel file says so. ;)

What Raf Did During Our Negros Vacation

cleaning the tires

cleaning the glass

making sure the cloth itself is clean

and enjoying the whole thing

well, if we're thinking of putting up a business, we might as well go for a carwash shop. hahaha.

Shop Less. Live More.

i should learn to be more relaxed and fun like them. hehehe.

that's my only 2009 resolution / goal. to shop less and live more.

and by living more, i mean:

• having more time for the kids. no surfing the net at home on weekdays. i'd rather tell raf and andi stories so they can weave their own neverland when i am too tired to do so.
  
• eating healthy not just for vanity's sake
  
• sleeping and waking up early
• making the most of my weekends - no crashing in bed just anytime. cooking at least two meals. less mall hours to also save on taxi and unnecessary expenses.
• playing deadma to all things unhappy, unhealthy and hindi kanais-nais. because yes, life's too short to waste time on unnecessary ka ek-ekan.
  
• writing less rant posts and more cheerful and positive ones. i am on this quest to a happier, bubblier me - less maldita days mean longer life. haha.
  
• having a regular and exclusive faith time. a few minutes a day to be grateful for all the small yet wonderful blessings i receive, everyday.
• more patience with my family - my parents, my sisters, my relatives
• shutting up when i am too mad, too angry or too hurt already

it's a short yet doable list. i don't want to smother myself with must dos and end up frustrated because i wasn't able to meet my own expectations.

2008 has been a great year. there were struggles and hardships but nothing a determined heart cannot overcome. ananda's birth alone outweigh all the bad and ugly moments. ties were broken and despite being willing to let bygones be bygones, i want all wounds to heal naturally. i don't want to treat these deep seated resentments with an ointment and cover them with plaster and pretend that they're gone. i'd want a genuine and sincere smile on my face when the time comes.

well 2009, bring it on!

A Fabulous, Glamorous, Fat-, Worry-Free 2009!

this cake has always been a favorite - strawberry with yummy filling!
it looks like the ones we used to have during our elementary days.

seems like andi has a bit of a problem. hahaha.

from our family to yours, a blessed and prosperous 2009 to us all!