Happy

there's this sense of self-fulfillment. i never expected this, this...contentment. and weird as it may sound, this tingly excitement of seeing the money you've worked hard for working for you. yeah, just like the road signs they put on constructed and renovated streets - your taxes are working for you. in my and ppip's case, our salaries are working for us. we don't receive much every payday (not as much as some people i know. hahaha) but still, we got a project ticked off from our list. and it feels great!

now i know why my mother lately forgoes shopping for clothes and bags and shoes. now i know why the first place she'd spend her money on is in the house improvement section of the malls. you know why i am gushing about it so much? it's because i have never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams, that i'd enjoy dressing up our own home. that i'd have fun thinking of colors, decors and the best way to mix-match whatchamacaliits. well, i still suck at interior decorating but, i am proud to say that i don't have baduy choices. hahaha.

the house is still a long way from becoming this very pretty, almost-dreamy abode but the thing is, we're getting there. i now have one more reason to resist those shoes and bags aside from saving. as i've said, i've bought enough clothes and bags early this year (and it's only march, gasp!) to last me until say, october.

march is definitely a month for celebrations.

That Dreaded Feb 14 and other stories

my sister sent me this hilarious valentine's day message the other day and so i was again reminded that my not-so favorite (since i got married) date is just around the corner. okay, so maybe i am bitter that my husband isn't into the V-day when i, this hopeless romantic, always itch to join the throng of lovers out there crowding every fastfood and fine dining restaurant in the city. yes, valentine's day these days spell nothing but commercialization so kill me if i still feel like celebrating it. hahaha.

i checked the calendar and surprise surprise, the 14th falls on a saturday! so i thought of several ways to spend this ordinary saturday extraordinary.

• cook a special meal (pasta, karne frita or korean beef steak, and mango float for dessert)
• yes, go out, watch a movie and have some drinks afterward (provided raf lets his parents chill out for a night)
• buy several dvds the day before, cook pasta, sleep the whole day and do a movie marathon in the evening
• take raf out for some playtime and just spend on lunch
• sleep the whole morning and pretend it is indeed just another saturday

if i'd let my husband decide, we'd probably go for the last option because he has work the night before and there's nothing he'd want to do but sleep and rest the next day. i know, he is becoming boring as his long hair.

MEANWHILE

i have been following the death of one 24-year old MEPZ worker who was believed to have been raped and killed by her "textmate." according to reports, she has met this textmate through a radio station program designed for single, loveless and even those who just-want-to-meet-new friends, ladies and gents. it was supposedly their second meeting with the sole agenda of reclaiming her cellphone after the male textmate reportedly swapped phones with her on their first "date." her body was discovered in a grassy area behind a gasoline station a few days after the body of a slain call center agent was also found in a hotel. two horrifying murders in a week. there's no getting used to this. everytime you read and hear something as scary and unbelievable as this, you get the same reaction as the first time you realize these killings are possible and real - goosebumps all over your arms and the rapid beating of your heart.

i have listened to these radio programs a number of times. thanks to taxi drivers and even company drivers who seem to get a kick out of eavesdropping to some 20-year old girl discuss her vitat stats with a 25-year old out of school guy. the girl and guy, who i think call the radio station and wait for their turn to be on air, share personal information not only to each other but to a hundred or so listeners who never fail to tune in on time. in fairness, there are several ladies who don't answer very personal questions (like where exactly do you live, etc) and would only give their numbers off the air. when some callers sound hesitant, shy or just plain uninteresting, the djs egg and prod them on. the djs would try to take control of the conversation so the callers don't waste precious airtime. then after a few minutes, the two parties should have exchanged contact numbers and decided on an "eyeball" date and time for the call to be considered successful. at least, that's what i think it is.

the battle on which radio station gains the widest coverage and listenership (if ever there's a term) is fierce so of course, you can't blame the radio stations for coming up with this seemingly harmless and fun program with the single and unmarried population as its target. i bet they haven't seen this murder coming. and who would've thought that somebody would use this as a way to lure some victim into his liar? that is, if it's indeed proven that it was the victim's textmate who did this gruesome crime to her. police are looking into another angle citing it could be that while waiting for her textmate, another group of people with bad intent (it was established that more than one person could have abducted and killed her) got to her even before she met this textmate.

i hope justice would be given to both victims. it's a tiny way to compensate for their families' loss and grief.

Setting and Resetting Priorities

ppip and i planned to visit at least one new place every year. and supposedly this year, we're going either to boracay (i know, i know, loser-sounding kaau that i haven't been there yet! hahaha), baguio and vigan (new for him at least) camiguin, or davao.

but now, thinking of the critical situation we are in, i am having serious thoughts about not pushing through with our initial plans. i reckon this year's not the best time to travel even if we have the budget for it. for one, we have decided to do another semi-major house job. the interior flooring we had spent on last december had disappointed us and we're thinking of having it re-done. second, my nanay has prettified our garage/garden (her christmas gift to us was this landscaping job) and now, we find it a little off that our exterior's beautiful but our interior's still in shambles. hehe. and since we're doing this floor renovation, we might as well fix some parts of the house to make our pay to the carpenter, who we're importing straight from bais city, sulit. i've had it with local workers who bleed you dry yet don't even produce satisfactory results.

thinking about it now, i'd rather spend on and do house construction while andi's still not here instead of dilly-dallying for a few days and continue to be miserable (a bit) about the house's condition. anyway, if by the end of the year, we still have have enough (after putting something on our savings account - we now have one yay!), we can decide what to do or where to go. it sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it?

i can't wait for this renovation. it would make our house look half-decent. then we'd save up some more for the paint job and kitchen overhaul. really, owning a house and lot is just half the story. furnishing and making it livable according to one's standards is the other half.

Sinulog at Tabunok

i started the sinulog frenzy by watching poohkwang at the waterfront with M and Z. needless to say, i had fun! some jokes were recycled but the two comedians did very well in delivering them flawlessly so i still laughed my guts out. it's amazing how the hotel's grand ballroom was jampacked (as in there were countless people standing at the back) as if it was sharon cuneta or uh, britney spears?, performing. we were seated at the back (we couldn't afford the P2500 seats. although if i had money, i'd pay P2500 if that means having the chance to kiss john lloyd!) and it didn't help that i am only 5' and some people were too inconsiderate as to keep on walking back and forth, looking for better seats, even when the show already started. i had to casually rebuke some overdressed teeners who stacked at least 3 chairs so they can see better. hello, we all paid the same amount so you can't do that! hehehe.

i was just disappointed that we weren't able to go backstage to have our pictures taken with john lloyd. my friend, who was working as a crew for the event, said they're too busy and that security's really tight so he would have a hard time ushering us in. oh well, i only gorged on east west's (btw, they're now open at the IT park, right beside casa verde) mango sushi crepe to relieve my frustration. hahaha.

early saturday morning, raf was asking to go to ayala or sm so he can play in the playroom and go window shopping. we decided we'd go to sm late in the afternoon to have dinner and to also watch the pyrofest. traffic's a little bad on the way to the mall but nevertheless, we arrived in a little less than one hour. every restaurant was full and the waiting list took on forever. although i must say, the crowd's not that maddening. yes, the mall was teeming with people but it's not like you couldn't breathe already. i haven't tried going inside the shops though, especially inside the department store. the raket only started when the first fireworks show lit the sky. everyone was running around, trying to catch a glimpse of the amazing skyshow. sm's elevators weren't very efficient that night so we have to run 5 sets of stairs to reach the roofdeck where the view's the best. it was instant exercise for me. hahaha. we waited for all six fireworks entries to make the trip to the city sulit. hahaha. we didn't wait for the winner to be called though because we don't want to be caught in the stampede. i try to avoid crowds as much as possible. i am not claustrophobic but i always get scared when people start shoving and pushing already. it was a good thing my taxi driver suki was covering the streets that night. he fetched us at sm and we were able to get a ride while a hundred (i am not kidding!) or so were stranded, with no jeepneys or taxis in sight.

we didn't have definite plans for sunday but we were thinking of going to the city to join the festivities. i ordered lexmark sinulog shirts for raf and me in case we'd go out and shout "pit senyor!" it was 1:30PM when we kinda said, "nah, let's stay at home instead." channel 3 featured aerial shots of the city's main roads and when i saw how srp was congested with cars and vans and taxis waiting to swarm fuente and mango, the more i resolved not to go out. i mean, i just couldn't risk raf out there. i knew how the crowd can be pretty rough and the weather's also not promising. for once, i let my primadonna self took over.

so what did we do instead? we went to gaisano tabunok amidst the husband's protests ("mag-unsa man ta sa tabunok??" hahaha) and ate pizza and browsed booksale's super discounted books. raf found an old "curious george" book and i bought two novels as well. before we headed home, i bought some chocolate caramel cake and a half kilo of shrimp for dinner. ppip cooked the shrimp in his secret mix and well, it beats any restaurant-concocted dish anytime!

maybe next sinulog we'd go out, maybe we won't. maybe we would live near the city so it would be easier for us to join the festivities. or maybe we'd have our own car so commuting wouldn't be such a bitch. hehehe. but surely, sinulog would always be a family affair.

Getting Married for all the Right Reasons

i wasn't exactly the blushing bride during our civil wedding

a few weeks ago, a friend ping-ed me at ym. she says her boyfriend proposed marriage to her already, and though she hasn't really given him a "no," she also didn't give her "yes." rather, she told him she'd think about it. and by thinking about it, she meant she'd ask her married friends first if, uh, you know, marriage is something we'd recommend her to do. i laughed out loud, honestly. i was speechless for a few seconds and when i regained my composure, i didn't quite know what to tell her. should i tell her, "yes, get married already!" or "no, don't, please, and save yourself?"

i am no expert when it comes to marriage, or to relationships. friends just come to me for advice because well, i am pretty good with boys. not that i've been into so many serious relationships. to my friends at least, it seemed that i have my way with the opposite crowd. but, i never slept around. not just my cup of tea. maybe you can call me your "tease girl" because that's just what i do, tease them naughty lot. and i have A LOT of guy friends. sensible, cool guy friends who would never mince words to get their points across.

being married myself for only a year, i wasn't sure what to tell my friend exactly except that marriage is not for the faint hearted. and motherhood, that's a completely different story to tell. marriage and motherhood had always been scary for me. it's a whole lot of responsibility. it's just that i didn't have the time and chance to be scared because it has been given to me already, on a silver platter, if that's any consolation.

so, why did ppip and i get married? no, it wasn't because i got pregnant. i told him repeatedly, i won't get married just because i got pregnant. hello, an annulment costs so much more than a church wedding. two, i was pretty confident that even without his support, i can raise my child on my own. that's what one who belongs to a closely-knit family would feel anytime.

ppip and i got married two years after raf was born. we did that not only because we are living in the same roof anyway and we're almost married in that sense but because we know that we are quite ready for it. maybe we can get stoned for our liberal thinking but you know, if while living together we had discovered that we can't live with each other despite best efforts, then we have to go our separate ways. you can't argue with each other for the rest of your life, you can't just keep on tolerating your partner's bad and ngil-ad habits forever.

in the course of our relationship, there were several times when i threatened to pack my bags and leave him, for good. and always, always, it would be him who'd remind me of the good days, of the fun times, of the bad-yet-we-were-able-to-survive moments. it's not that because my mind and heart hasn't kept a treasure trove of these memories, but because when you're fed up and tired and exhausted of raising not only two kids, but an adult as well, you tend to just say, "okay, this is it." and while all people think i am lucky to have ppip yet he is kind of shortchanged with me because of my bitchiness, try living with this prince charming and you'll know how difficult he can get and why i had more than once planned on ditching him. see? this what i am talking about. marriage is not for the weak. because while i can go on all day about how hard it is to maintain and cultivate this sacred relationship, i am still here, still with my husband because that's just how it is. and we have only been married for a year and a half! and mind you, it is not all about love. nor money.

so what did i finally tell my friend? i said, "why don't you join us for noche buena and we can discuss it over spaghetti and chicken macaroni?"