Out

off to where i can eat yummy dishes without breaking my back (and arms and pocket), sleep in blissful peace, and talk and share stories and drink beer until dawn. hahaha.

tambo. leche flan. ubad. siomai. relyeno. strawberry cake. crinkles. chicken deli. oysters. nilaga with batuan. cadios.

don't miss me too much!

XOXO,

On Mobile Phones, Privacy and Sense of Urgency (?)

i am not so keen about people giving out my mobile number to other people, especially those i don't know. i would appreciate it if before sharing my number, you'd ask for my permission first. just out of courtesy, you know. yes, my current number is a company number so company-related callers with official business are welcome. but still, it wouldn't hurt to let me know you have forwarded my contact details to somebody who needs to get in touch with me or my boss. i more than understand that my position entails it. nor do i mind friends giving my number to other friends or acquaintances--people whom i've actually met and shared some conversations with. i guess my point here is, i don't like people just carelessly throwing my contact number around and sharing it with people i don't really know and don't even have a business-related agenda with me. it's a little annoying.

***

i don't mind getting calls from friends as early as 7am or as late as 12mn. they're my friends, they're always welcome. but non-friends aren't. yeah, i am such a priss but i value my privacy and family time that's why it irks me when i receive calls a little later than the decent hour (that's 9pm for me). again, my phone line is open 24/7 but i'd appreciate it if people would also try to think if their need to talk to me is that urgent (matter of life and death, if beyond 9pm, i say. haha) or not. if yes, then go ahead and give me a ring. if not, then you better wish i am not in a foul mood. even my boss doesn't bother me beyond 6pm not unless it's super duper urgent and he's very apologetic everytime he calls me after office hours or on a weekend. i guess it's just a matter of respecting one's time and privacy.

***

i have a full time career, and that basically means i am occupied for at least 9.6 hours everyday. there are days when i am swamped with work i can hardly comb my hair in place and there are also days when i get bored, i'm ready to jump off from my 8F window to entertain myself. these days though, i am most often busy and can't immediately reply to text messages or answer phone calls. i shuffle from one office to another every hour or so and since both phones are not tied to my waist, i miss a few calls. so my apologies if there are times when i can't get back to you as soon as you want me too. a higher being needs my attention more. and he happens to pay my salary. hahaha. i know, i know, you understand but there are some who cannot, and i wonder why the hell not. i don't think i am ever obliged to reply to every single sms i get asap (sama sa dili pod ko obliged mag comment sa tanang blog entries na akong basahon, but again, that's just me) so it's a trifle irritating for messages like "why aren't you replying?" to litter my inbox. sometimes i am tempted to quip, "because i have a life?" hahaha.

***

well yes, you may say i am somebody who has lots of issues and i don't deny that. and while here i am, ranting about some person's lack of ethics (because all it takes for me to spew a few not-so nice blog entries is really just one person), i am still quite patient and tolerant, if i may so myself. there are just some people who didn't pay attention to their GMRC classes.

Lost Chance

i saw somebody in the bank today and i was pretty close to approaching and making small talk with her. i had the chance when the seat next to her was vacated. i was already walking towards it when a couple beat me to it. i took it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be? yet?

i wasn't actually sure if it was her, but then, her name was called and so my thoughts were confirmed. i don't know what i want to prove by going up to her. that her first impression wasn't correct? that contrary to what she (and everyone) believes, i'm not actually out to get her?

maybe it's the season. it would've been the perfect time to start anew. maybe, when IT IS the perfect time, our eyes would meet and i'd finally give that genuine smile.

But Of Course...

looking back, i always found it easier

to be righteous, to be judgmental, to make jokes about others because of course,
it is more fun and enjoyable than being a bigger person

we are, more often than not-
better, smarter, more composed, more fashionable, more well-brought up,
when we compare ourselves to other people

we are always doing the right thing,
even when you know, in the deep recesses of your heart,
that you can't be right all the time.

i am glad i know that i am not perfect. and that i don't have the license
to ridicule, to judge and to demean others because in fact,
pareho ra ta nagkaon kan-on. or kung nag diet, pareho ra ta maka-afford wheat bread.

Survival of the Fittest

lately, life has become a blur - a flurry of activities that mainly involve waking up, going to work, eating, coming home, worrying, sleeping, reading, little conversations here and there and few moments of cuddling with the kuya. i don't want this but i guess, i have to go through this. and maybe, just maybe, i'll learn my lesson.

i am still hopeful but i'm running low on faith - on myself, that is.

If Only I Could

one thing i don't like being a "grown up" is that you have to make a lot of decisions and choices - painful, difficult, and maybe unfair to some, choices. but then, that's life. it's either you or them. your family or them. and yes, it would always be me and my family over them. family comes first. and somebody has to make that sacrifice. somebody has to be that sacrificial lamb. in my heart i know, i am doing the right thing. so help me God.

On Sensitivity and Dressing Up Appropriately

a good friend from manila visited this week and last night, we had dinner at one of the restos in the beautiful ayala terraces. now this friend has been trying to get pregnant since i've known her, which is almost two years now. and everytime she'd come and meet with our other friends, one of the main topics of our discussion would always be pregnancy and childbirth.

last night wasn't so different. we, the mothers, blabbed about how scary and hard giving birth is and how more difficult it is to raise these kids. the limelight was more focused on our other friend and while everyone's talking, i found myself observing hoping-to-be-a-mother-soon friend.

i don't know, looking at W and thinking of the way our conversations always went with her made me think if we had been a little insensitive to her feelings. yes, perhaps dishing out advices and maybe theories, on how to finally get that stomach round and happy with a baby is helpful and sweet. and also, orienting her on both the wonderful and not-so wonderful (i am saying sleepless nights, painful and hurting boobs during breastfeeding, etc, you, mothers i know can relate) aspects of motherhood, as well as the challenges of raising children, just goes to show how much we care for her. of course, we're all rooting for her to have that bouncing little boy or girl soonest! but then, she comes here to cebu twice a year. and in those two nights per year that we'd get together over good food and drinks, we hardly talk about anything else but her efforts and our bliss of being mothers. don't you think she might be a little tired about the issue? and that she'd want us to talk about something else?

i don't know. again, it's just me. because perhaps, i am a little worried that we're adding to her pressure of having a baby. yes, we know that she wants that little of bundle of joy and they're doing everything to make it happen but i reckon she can only take so much of the egging and the teasing? that she might just suddenly burst from all the things we tell her to do to help her get pregnant. hehehe. well yeah, she enjoys these baby discussions but i am afraid we might be getting...overly concerned.

i wish the next time she'd visit, aside from the good news of being at last pregnant, we'd share stories about other things. like maybe work, make up, even chismis and clothes or what we'd do with the money if we'd win the lotto. hahaha. and if she's still not with child, we'd promise to pray more for her, and move on.

***

now, now. i am afraid i'll be getting stoned for this but it has bothered and distracted me so much lately that i just have to take this off my chest. i feel a little sick whenever i see women in their 40s and 50s sporting tube tops, or short skirts, or leggings or any outfit that allows them to flaunt their not-so flawless skin, complete with headband and other horrendous, unmatched accessories. i'm always for "dress up" or "flaunt it if you've got it" fashion slogan but in this case when they obviously don't have it and let's face it, they're too old for whatever fad they're trying to follow, i'd gladly accept the job of being a fashion police and arrest them. hahaha.

don't get me wrong. i've always thought that age or status or motherhood shouldn't hinder you from wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in, or make you feel good. i don't have any problem looking at 40ish grandmas wearing short dresses and cute slip ons if they can carry it well. it's not an issue with me as well if you're in your 30s already yet can still pull off a casual short shorts and a baby tee with gladiator sandals. but if you're a lola already, wrinkled, with sagging, dark skin that badly needs exfoliation, i won't suggest going out in short shorts, a venus pink, striped blouse (with matching one shoulder exposed) and a pair of 3-inch sandals. while those who have all the K (karapatan) to bare a little skin, cloth themselves in demure plains and prints and flat shoes.

again, it's just me. i think the way you dress and carry yourself in public reflects so much of your personality. this is a free country, anyone can go out in the outfit they want to but i'm hoping they'd think hard first before deciding on donning something that's a little out of their league. it's hard to take somebody seriously who doesn't even put the effort to dress appropriately.

***

i swear, this is pms.

Just Thinking Out Loud

is it just me or do you also think it's a little inappropriate and insensitive to feature multi-million bags, shoes, and properties on tv while most of the world can hardly eat three times a day?

2011

i want flowers as pretty as this bouquet on our church wedding

two of my closest friends are getting married this year. and ppip and i decided (more like i decided. hahaha) that we'd have our church wedding very soon (say, 2011 soon). C and i were talking that getting married these days is more expensive than having a house renovation that's why i opted for the latter this year. hahaha. presumptious as this may sound but i am slowly drafting our projects for the next five years. of course, this is with my husband's approval because in the first place, he's doing all the financing. planning ra ko taman.

it's exciting and inspiring - to dream and think of and plan. it makes every centavo we'd work hard for worth it. that's why i am kinda fighting for my own career. if we're both working, there'd be more we can accomplish, more projects can be achieved and done sooner. but i guess, not at the expense of my children's welfare, that's why i am considering his proposal as well.

back to the wedding. yes, i'd still want a church wedding because first and foremost, i want His blessing. i want that ppip and i will be bound not only by the ties of our laws, but by the ties of His love. it has to be soon because gah, i want to be blooming and young on my wedding pictures. and at the rate my weight is going, i might gain more weight by the time i reach 30 so i'd rather do it before we reach our 3rd decade here on earth.

it's gonna be a simple wedding but with lots of flowers and yummy food and all our closest friends and family. i hope we can afford fireworks. hahaha. but i vow not to be stressed over the preparations. it's quite a challenge to organize this wedding not only because of the cost but because our family and friends come from various parts of the country, and even abroad (yes supergirls, this is your invitation to come home. hahaha) so we have to make this occasion special not only for us, but for them who love us enough to spend and attend.

i want to be practical but i also want to indulge ourselves a little. thinking of weddings makes me giddy. i am crossing my fingers everything goes well. but then, even the best laid plans get disrupted. still, i want to take the chance so i am writing this down so the heavens would know they have an event to plan in two years' time.

El Nino

this picture is of course, not related to what im blabbering about.
i just feel like posting raf's picture here. taken by mai, 02/22/09

for some unknown reason, i can't think of anything to write about. and it's making me frustrated! maybe i can write about sarah and john lloyd's film, which made me laugh and cry like some lunatic last saturday night, but making a film review isn't really my thing. yeah, i think it's better than their first film just because this one kept up with the laugh-emote-laugh cycle. i didn't get bored, in fairness. you changed my life held my attention for the 2 hours and so it ran. and john lloyd didn't even look that hot there. his character suffered major stress because of work so of course, he had to look that part. tao din sya na pumapangit kapag masyado ng demanding ang work and ang lovelife. hahaha. but still, i love him there. there's just something about that boy that makes me smile whenever i think of him. hahaha.

but apart from the movie, i don't know what else to discuss to make your visit here in my blog worthwhile. it's like being on a date with a guy you really, really like and suddenly, your tongue quits on you. then perhaps, this is the time to just shut up and hold each other's hands?

maybe you, yes, you, loyal reader and maybe even you, random stranger who just got my link in another blogger's site, can help me end this drought. why don't you leave a comment and let me know what you think kaithuninterrupted should feature. but uh, no, "just let this blog die because nobody reads you anyway" isn't allowed. hahaha.

happy monday all! :)

Random Wednesday Update

i'd give up cakes for the rest of my life just to have john lloyd look at me like that

as you may have noticed, i change layouts often. and yes, since i am no techie, i have to manually encode and put up my blog list everytime i change my template. i am quite patient like that. hahaha. i change layouts as often as possible because i get bored easily. and when i get bored, i can come up with a multitude of reasons why i need a different scenery. but surprisingly, i am not fickle-minded, which i think is a good thing because i know of several people who can't tolerate fickle-mindedness. hehehe.

now, i don't exactly know where this entry is leading to. all i know is that i need to write an update, because lately, i've only been posting 1 entry per week and my blog's getting lonely. it's not that i have a loyal following who peeks into kaithuninterrupted everyday but it's mainly for kaithuninterrupted itself, so it maintains its updated, perky, always-on-the-go image (charos!). however, life hasn't been that exciting as well, save for S and N's wedding last week where i volunteered my services as coordinator. the pictures aren't ready yet so i don't have anything to post. then yes, the previous entry saw my and chin's photoshoot (feeling model-modelan. haha) after little charlie's baptism.

so let's take another shot at it.

• i am still trying to lose weight, i am currently 106 lbs barefoot (must be all the eat outs i've been having for the past week, grrr). i know it's not good to take the easy way out but i am too lazy to diet and exercise. i think i'd die before turning 50 from all the calories and sugar i am feeding myself.

• i am excited to go tile-shopping. we found reasonably-priced tiles at some hardware in mambaling and i hope they still have enough stocks of the ones we want. i've been dishing out home improvement and care tips to a friend, sounding like an expert and laughing out loud because really, when you look at our house, you'd hardly believe anything i'd say.

• i've discovered cool, cute and easy-to-the-eyes blogs (read: they don't use high-faluting words to get their message across. it's just plain, straight english. mwehehe) and they're the ones i am stalking lately. there's this quirky young lady that i like simply because she dishes out practical make up advices like how to get rid of ugly undereye circles or how to make your skin flawless. plus, the brands she uses can be found here in the philippines and they're not that expensive as well.

• i have finally finished book 1 (Outlander) of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series. i am on the 2nd book already (Dragonfly in Amber) and the thrill is unending. one of my good friends, Y, is in the US now and i've asked her if she can get the last 3 books in the series for me since i doubt any of the bookstores here carry her books. i tried searching for them in ebay.ph but my sukis don't have them either. my books definitely would have a part in my last will and testament. i'd hate for them to rot in a boring and forgotten bookshelf somewhere.

• i'll be a (fairy) godmother again this saturday, and this time, to my cute two-month old niece, ysabelle. she's my second cousin's daughter. it's funny because this cousin, who's a lawyer here in cebu and shares the same last name with me (my maiden name, that is), has been in the city for 10 years. and in the five years that i've been here, our paths never, ever crossed. we've only met when his mom, upon learning that i am here in cebu, asked for my number and contacted me. the last time we've seen each other was i guess, 16 or more years ago. i am glad we've reunited, and of course, to know that i have a family here.
  

• i can't wait for saturday really. that day will change my life. hahaha.
  

Wishing Hard for Saturday Already

get togethers with friends help relieve the tension of a manic workweek

i've been terribly tired the past weeks. we had big shot visitors from the US so you can just imagine the preparation and yes, the stress! my boss and i heaved a big sigh of relief yesterday when the last of our visitors left and although it is so tempting to file for a sick leave today or tomorrow, we both can't because well, our meeting schedule dictates no.

i can't help it, the pressure's too much. there's the house renovation next week, the never-ending search for two nannies/helpers, plus my mother's condition. maybe i worry too much but whoever says managing a household is easy deserves a weeklong practicum in our home. and of course, on top of that is my career. although i am grateful that my work allows me to attend to personal matters when i need to. still, it's not easy taking care of three people who, yes, belong to the top management level. there's just very little room for mistakes.

it's so funny because since i am very exhausted lately, i've decided to skip tv-watching and subject raf to my "early to bed, early to rise" goal. i told him the other night that he has to get used to sleeping early because when he goes to school, he has to wake up early as well. no more crashing in anytime. so for two mornings in a row, he'd be up before i am awake and say, "i want to go to school now." things such as this help keep my sanity intact.

also, what makes the weekend very enticing is that i'll have time to snuggle under the covers with diana gabaldon's books. i'm still on the first book (mind you, all three books have 900++ pages, in small print!) and i can't wait to finish them. i am sometimes glad that raf has hobbies of his own now so i can also spend some me-time without feeling guilty. hahaha.

however

despite the rush, i am still feeling blessed because:

1. i have a job and i work 5 days a week.

2. my kids are healthy and doing well. i miss andi but i know she's in better hands with my mother than with us here, not having a good yaya and all.

3. we have enough to have our house semi-renovated. it's not much but at least, it will be more child-friendly and safer.

4. i have titas who love their sister-in-law and are willing to fight her battles.

5. my sisters are finally trying to be more responsible in taking care of our mother.

6. i have friends who are my support system.

7. i might have a long vacation and bonding time with my family come march and april.

8. there are problems but still, all is well. :)

Inhale, Exhale

you know, it's not my mother's fault you had a very bad childhood thus this towering insecurity. it's not her fault either that you've grown into this flat-nosed loser with badly-shaped legs. and it's definitely not her fault that you had to do somebody else's laundry (my family's laundry, in fact) just to get your husband in a reputable firm. if he had the balls and enough diskarte, he wouldn't let his wife be some family's errand girl for his law career to take off.

so why are you dumping all of your frustrations on my mother? oh, because perhaps she lives the life you once dreamed for yourself? but she has a daughter who got pregnant even before marriage! would you want that? she doesn't have a son who backbreakingly works abroad just to send her mother capricious gifts and you actually have! and cmon, you have more expensive vehicles! so why the hate?

i won't try to understand your purpose and your actions. i don't have time for that. i will just pray that someday, life will give me enough lemons so i can squirt them all on your eyes. hahaha. my mother will scold me for this so let me rephrase. i hope someday, you'd realize your mistake (preferably on your deathbed) and ask even just an ounce of forgiveness for everything you've done against all your enemies. ah, too angelic. let me try for the third time. i hope someday, my mother would have the strength to come up to you while you're reciting your tirades against her and blurt, "it's not my fault your life's laden with insecurities but i cannot be your dumping ground forever," then slap her hard on one cheek, so hard her head would fall off. that's more like it. hahaha.

i am sorry to be posting all this raging posts but i can't help it. i have to release all this negative vibes since i cannot go home to negros armed with a good, sharp bolo to face this monster.

Watch Out

i am proud to say that i have slowly learned to curb my anger but there are just things and situations that get to me. i just get raging mad when some people try to hurt my family - most especially my mother. that is something that i just can't let go and forget. and perhaps, if my mother is the bungangera and pakialamera type who just tries to meddle into others' business, it wouldn't be such a big deal. but she is not. my mother is not the very buotan type, no. she's feisty when need be BUT wala guid gamo not unless the issue involves her kids already. but even if she's already attacked personally, she wouldn't fight back. she wouldn't talk back. that's how peace-loving she is. so what do her daughters do when some old, ugly witch tries to stress her out, a few days after she left the hospital? no, i'll say this again, we don't do catfights.

we pray, for the soul of this soon-to-be food of termites and worms who just can't shut her mouth up. again, i am amazed at how envy can consume one's self and make her forget her dignity and self-respect. because honestly, what dignified and self-respecting woman would go from table to table and gossip about how her own car is more expensive than her officemate's?

gosh. there's no rest and peace for the envious and wicked.

Lovin' Ukay

okay.  so i didn't exactly shop less as i have mentioned in one of my first posts for the year but i actually saved more.  how come, you ask?  it's because i've been buying stuff from thrift shops aka ukay ukay shops!  yes, i actually do wear ukay ukay items, believe it or not.  hahaha.  my love for these "vintage" treasures started when my mother bought several blouses and pants for me.  she has this friend who visits her and brings pre-selected and washed ukay items - blouses, pants, skirts, jackets and even children's clothes.  what amazed me was the quality of these clothes.  they look almost brand new and even prettier than those found in some shops in the mall.  plus, wala kay kapareho!  hahaha. it's such a nightmare to walk around the mall or in the office and bump into somebody who wears the same blouse, in the same color! 

since i didn't buy anything last december, i was planning to buy at least 3 blouses or dresses for officewear for the 1st quarter.  call it an excuse but my work demands that i wear something presentable everyday, even if i am in jeans.  i don't really do the slacks and blazer combo but i'm more of the just-blouse-and-jeans or just-dress-paired-with-flats girl.  i wear skirts and high heels at least once a week though.  i know of various ukay shops uptown but lately, i've only visited two stores and they're in raintree. on my first trip there two weeks ago, i found three blouses - one priced at P150 and two at P80.00.  and believe me, you wouldn't know those stuff were ukay-bought.  hahaha.  

i wasn't planning to go back until march or april but yesterday, out of boredom, i asked my tita who's here in cebu to get some docs from PRC, if she'd want to do ukay ukay.  of course she wanted to!  so we trooped to raintree and went out with 3 plastic bagful of stuff.  i bought blouses for my nanay and sisters and four items for me.  all items were priced either P150 or P180, kinda expensive by ukay ukay standards, but all were "new arrivals" and i reckon we were among the first ones to browse through the stuff because there were lots of pretty good ones.  the next time i'd go vintage clothes-buying, i'm thinking of visiting this shop across cebu doc. a friend says they have good items as well.  

i guess it's not bad to spend P500 on 5 or 6 or 7 blouses, is it?  i used to spend P1000 on one blouse or skirt alone!  maybe when you have the money to spend, it's all right to splurge on branded clothes.  but if you're dirt poor like me yet still wants to don fashionable outfits, the ukay ukay shop is the best place to go to. 

Smart vs Pretty

i found this cool, feel-good book in fully booked - smart vs pretty. i just wasn't able to buy it because i am quite below the poverty line these days. hehe. growing up, i wondered how it feels to be you know, pretty. or beautiful. or even just plain attractive. those were never adjectives you'd use to describe me some 12 years ago. i was dark-skinned, with boring hair and boring facial features. it didn't help that i always had this snooty look on my face. boys never flocked to me to ask for my name or phone number. they'd come to me to ask for academic help. for the longest time, i wished i was popular because of my long hair or long eyelashes or very pretty face instead of being the editor of the school paper or being one of the top three in our batch. hahaha.

i know, i know! intelligence is still more important than say, gorgeous-ness, but it was only later in college when the term, intelligence is sexy, has been coined. before, being a smart-ass doesn't make boys fall on your feet. well, geeky ones would but really, i never wanted a nerd for a boyfriend. hahaha. your crush might know and admire you for your amazing speed in solving calculus problems but he'd never want a girlfriend smarter than his basketball-dreaming brains.

a lot has changed since college and it's not because i have at least looked human. hahaha. more than one person has observed that i am quite a headturner whenever we'd roam the malls and it's funny how i still had suitors when i was bursting with my first pregnancy. looking back now, i am glad i did well in both academics and extra curricular activities. people give you something more than a pretty face allows. they actually give you respect because you are well, smart. people look up to you because you have something in between your ears and it's not just a seductive pair of eyes. sometimes i get too smug knowing that yes, i have the face and the brains to match. it still amuses me that some get taken aback when i spew sensible sentences and ideas. i reckon they don't usually get that from halter- and short skirt-wearing barbie dolls. hahaha.

now i know better. there's always a cure for plain looking-ness. but there's almost no remedy for being uh, stupid. ang law-ay, may chance pa mag-gwapa. ang ma-ngo, wala na tsansa mag alam. :)

Setting and Resetting Priorities

ppip and i planned to visit at least one new place every year. and supposedly this year, we're going either to boracay (i know, i know, loser-sounding kaau that i haven't been there yet! hahaha), baguio and vigan (new for him at least) camiguin, or davao.

but now, thinking of the critical situation we are in, i am having serious thoughts about not pushing through with our initial plans. i reckon this year's not the best time to travel even if we have the budget for it. for one, we have decided to do another semi-major house job. the interior flooring we had spent on last december had disappointed us and we're thinking of having it re-done. second, my nanay has prettified our garage/garden (her christmas gift to us was this landscaping job) and now, we find it a little off that our exterior's beautiful but our interior's still in shambles. hehe. and since we're doing this floor renovation, we might as well fix some parts of the house to make our pay to the carpenter, who we're importing straight from bais city, sulit. i've had it with local workers who bleed you dry yet don't even produce satisfactory results.

thinking about it now, i'd rather spend on and do house construction while andi's still not here instead of dilly-dallying for a few days and continue to be miserable (a bit) about the house's condition. anyway, if by the end of the year, we still have have enough (after putting something on our savings account - we now have one yay!), we can decide what to do or where to go. it sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it?

i can't wait for this renovation. it would make our house look half-decent. then we'd save up some more for the paint job and kitchen overhaul. really, owning a house and lot is just half the story. furnishing and making it livable according to one's standards is the other half.

So Long

i value relationships. i am the type who'd sacrifice, give in and exert effort to cultivate and maintain an honest and open relationship with my family and friends. but. i am also not afraid to walk away from anything that isn't healthy anymore. from anything that hurts, destructs and threatens me. maybe it isn't good and right, maybe i am being too ma-pride by being forgiving but not forgetting.

somebody asked me if i am ready to face this certain someone who made my life a bit difficult before. and i said, "no. maybe in time. but soon? no."

i don't want to sound all righteous and sweet and say, "of course, yes, i'd like to see her. past is past and i've already forgotten what she did and said about me." my brain, and heart, doesn't work that way, unfortunately. i don't have any problems saying "sorry" because i know i had a part in that drama as well. however, i don't think now, or sometime soon, is the right time for that confrontation. maybe when all disappointmens and frustrations have died down, maybe when the sting of being betrayed would finally go away, that's when i can genuinely welcome her into my life again. the thing about me is, i am sincerely nice and thoughtful and kind (sa mutuo mo or sa dili. hahaha) when i consider you as a friend or someone close to my heart. but when my trust is broken, or when i am repeatedly hurt, i turn into this cold, unfeeling monster who wouldn't give you the time of the day. tama na, palitan na, ang drama. hahaha.

so maybe 5 years from now i'll change my tune and be willing to be friends with her again. but for now, i'll take my lovely time and heal whatever that needs to be healed.

Harder

it's scary how everyday you can hear stories of people currently on forced leave and some losing their jobs at the blink of an eye. we're not spared, but we're happy because we still have our jobs. and that's the more important thing - to still have a job that would allow us to feed our kids 3 times a day and pay our bills on time.

it's not easy, living in this difficult time, but i always think, that "hey, it could be worse." i, for one, have set my priorities before 2008 ended. i know that with the global crisis or not, with the merit increase or not, we'd only have enough for the family's needs and just enough elbow space for some weekend eat outs. we're limiting our weekend trips to the malls to twice a month and instead of taking the taxi, we've compromised to riding the bus. raf is big enough anyway to survive a bus ride.

we're taking this challenge one day at a time. and every night, i am thankful that i and my friends and loved one have gone through another day, safe and sound. yes, it might be a stressful day but here we are, alive and kicking and blogging and healthy so what more can we ask for? and one day, this too shall pass and we'd pat ourselves in the back for holding on steadfastly and for having so much faith. yes, this too shall pass.

Tidbits

i hug you. a hug is the least expensive cure in the world.

it's such a weird feeling - this feeling i am having right now. friendship, like love, can be quite complicated. it can hurt and scar. and it can also be unrequited.

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do people who abandon you in times of need deserve a second chance?

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simplify. i like this word. it has that magic to make everything easy and understandable. i told an IS guy to simplify instructions, especially when sending through email, because not all people are techies. i am one of the most technologically-inept people you'd ever meet. although i know, if only i'd give it enough time and concentration, i can figure things out on my own. but then, it's the IS people's job to figure things out for us because we have our own tasks and specialties. so yes, "simplify" should be in their vocabulary from now on. hahaha.

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we're taking down our christmas decors this weekend. and i'm gonna sort out our shoe rack. if it's up to me, i'd throw away some stuff that are totally useless anyway (like some CPUs, elec fans, etc) but we just don't know where to put them. we can't leave it outside our house because it would ruin the scenery (haha!). maybe i'd wait for the weekly trash bus and just dump everything on the trash boys' eager hands. i can't wait to de-clutter. i know i should have done it before we left for negros but well, i had other priorities. hehehe.

ah, the weekend holds so much promise but i have two more days before that bliss.