Getting Married for all the Right Reasons

i wasn't exactly the blushing bride during our civil wedding

a few weeks ago, a friend ping-ed me at ym. she says her boyfriend proposed marriage to her already, and though she hasn't really given him a "no," she also didn't give her "yes." rather, she told him she'd think about it. and by thinking about it, she meant she'd ask her married friends first if, uh, you know, marriage is something we'd recommend her to do. i laughed out loud, honestly. i was speechless for a few seconds and when i regained my composure, i didn't quite know what to tell her. should i tell her, "yes, get married already!" or "no, don't, please, and save yourself?"

i am no expert when it comes to marriage, or to relationships. friends just come to me for advice because well, i am pretty good with boys. not that i've been into so many serious relationships. to my friends at least, it seemed that i have my way with the opposite crowd. but, i never slept around. not just my cup of tea. maybe you can call me your "tease girl" because that's just what i do, tease them naughty lot. and i have A LOT of guy friends. sensible, cool guy friends who would never mince words to get their points across.

being married myself for only a year, i wasn't sure what to tell my friend exactly except that marriage is not for the faint hearted. and motherhood, that's a completely different story to tell. marriage and motherhood had always been scary for me. it's a whole lot of responsibility. it's just that i didn't have the time and chance to be scared because it has been given to me already, on a silver platter, if that's any consolation.

so, why did ppip and i get married? no, it wasn't because i got pregnant. i told him repeatedly, i won't get married just because i got pregnant. hello, an annulment costs so much more than a church wedding. two, i was pretty confident that even without his support, i can raise my child on my own. that's what one who belongs to a closely-knit family would feel anytime.

ppip and i got married two years after raf was born. we did that not only because we are living in the same roof anyway and we're almost married in that sense but because we know that we are quite ready for it. maybe we can get stoned for our liberal thinking but you know, if while living together we had discovered that we can't live with each other despite best efforts, then we have to go our separate ways. you can't argue with each other for the rest of your life, you can't just keep on tolerating your partner's bad and ngil-ad habits forever.

in the course of our relationship, there were several times when i threatened to pack my bags and leave him, for good. and always, always, it would be him who'd remind me of the good days, of the fun times, of the bad-yet-we-were-able-to-survive moments. it's not that because my mind and heart hasn't kept a treasure trove of these memories, but because when you're fed up and tired and exhausted of raising not only two kids, but an adult as well, you tend to just say, "okay, this is it." and while all people think i am lucky to have ppip yet he is kind of shortchanged with me because of my bitchiness, try living with this prince charming and you'll know how difficult he can get and why i had more than once planned on ditching him. see? this what i am talking about. marriage is not for the weak. because while i can go on all day about how hard it is to maintain and cultivate this sacred relationship, i am still here, still with my husband because that's just how it is. and we have only been married for a year and a half! and mind you, it is not all about love. nor money.

so what did i finally tell my friend? i said, "why don't you join us for noche buena and we can discuss it over spaghetti and chicken macaroni?"