Ang Pasko Ay Sasapit

i will spend my fourth christmas away from home this year. i'm still not used to being away from the warmth, from the familiar noise, from the traditions i've lived with and followed in the past 22 years. and in the last four christmases, i end up crying when the clock strikes 12 midnight. at 26, i am still a crybaby and whiny and lost. but everything becomes all right the next day, christmas day.

i have already decided what to cook and make on christmas eve. we'll just have spaghetti, chicken macaroni and fruit salad. carbo and sweet, not such a good combination. hehe. our company giftpacks have the basic ingredients for spag and salad already so i thought of just buying the additional stuff like meat and hotdog and chicken instead of buying a whole new set of ingredients for a different menu. there'll just be me, ppip, raf and the yaya but i'll make big servings for each because i promised Y and C i'll share some with them. i hardly cook when i have a helper but during special occasions, i reign the kitchen because well, my cooking skills are perfect for special occasions. only. hahaha.

i initially planned on going to work until the 24th but now i am playing with the idea of skipping the 24th to just laze around and start the kitchen chores early. ppip will be working on christmas eve, like the past christmases. i am even wondering if raf and i should be up until 1 am as we used to because well, there's just the three of us. we can have our christmas feast the next day.

i am slowly moving out of the holiday rut. raf and i went malling today, with him spending 2 hours in the playroom while i did the grocery. we went to fully booked after a huge lunch at mcdo and raf couldn't help but grab one book after another. he loves it there! i am glad he is slowly appreciating books and educational materials. he is into handy manny, thomas the train and friends, cars, and basically just anything that has trucks, tractors, and big buildings in it. i didn't know ayala has this water and laser light show yesterday and tonight. had i known, we could've moved our lakwatsa later in the afternoon so we can still catch it. i just feel it would've been awesome.

the helper is busy wrapping gifts now. it's funny but i don't have anything for my parents and sisters. they're the last on my list because really, i don't know what to get them. i give them little presents every now and then and so i feel, i should give others first before them. besides, our christmas is not about the gifts, it's about being together. hehe.

i'll check our church's christmas mass schedule. it's nice because we can just walk to our subdivision's place of worship. i haven't done the misa de gallo in ages, it's our tatay who usually wakes us up to go to church. it would be raf's 1st christmas mass.

yes, there's no use feeling down during this festive season. i have the sniffles now but it's nothing a bioflu cannot cure. hehe. ilang tulog na lang! :)

Will Dance for Shopping Money

one way to drive the blues away: dance it, rock it like there's no tomorrow.

currently swaying to the way i are, shut up and let me go, glamorous and disturbia. one of the perks of not having the bosses around is that i am able to turn up the music. the silence and emptiness is deafening so it's quite nice to have danceable music to keep me company. but no, i am not giving the public a full show.

more partying later. yes, it's friday! happy weekend! *big grin*

Giving Way and Giving In

i can be a reckless driver. i beat red lights and i sometimes cut corners. i've always felt that i'd die in a car crash not because i am reckless but because there are asshole and more reckless drivers than i am. hahaha. my father's driving tip: edge your nose out when you need a lane and you're stuck in a traffic jam. what can the other vehicle do but give you the lane when you're already halfway there? while my mother says: stay in your lane at all times, not unless the car ahead of you breaks down and you have to move on. don't go overspeeding, let the other vehicles (namely taxis and jeepneys) overtake you. better safe and slow than fast and dangerous.

of all the driving tips my parents gave me (believe me, it's a pain when both of your parents, as well as your husband, are drivers. and you are the one driving. they will drive you crazy!), the one i always remember is my nanay's, and that is, to give way. i deem it important to practice good ethics and manners when on the road (yeah, yeah. i am reckless but i can be pretty nice as well). don't you hate those jeepneys and cars that overtake without warning and those who just stop in the middle of the road to pick up passengers? i've taken to occupying the middle and left lanes most of the time because i cannot tolerate the jeepneys' incessant loading and unloading everywhere attitude.

back to giving way. i don't mind stopping several times to give way to a vehicle which has to transfer to another lane, or do a U turn or make a turn. especially when i see that the driver is having difficulty passing through the thick web of rush hour traffic. i mean, what have i got to lose if i let him pass? except perhaps when i am on a hurry myself. besides, since i know that i can be an asshole myself, it's my way of repaying the kind soul who gave way to me earlier as well, or that taxi driver who didn't slam my car when i stupidly followed another car in making that wrong left turn (but geez, the left turn light didn't turn green after three (3!) exchanges already. which i found weird. so when the car i was following did the left turn, despite the red light, i did it as well. i never noticed the taxi rushing to cross the road since their lane has the rightful, green light. so i stepped on the gas and sped up. good thing i was fast or else, i believe the taxi could've caught my rear end and sent me to my spiraling death. we were going so fast. i prayed and said thanks that night, for keeping me safe. see how i can such be an idiot behind the wheel??)

i guess giving way or being considerate to others' needs is something that we don't only apply when driving. i am trying, i am learning to let others have their way, if that would mean a more peaceful world. hahaha. i am in the process of learning when to give in, as long as the situation doesn't compromise my principles and values. yes, what have i got to lose, right? again, as long as it's something that won't put me on the spot, in hot water, or in a dilemma. hello, ako na gani nagpaubaya, ako pay maapiki? dili pd tingali. hehehe.

again, most of life's lessons, i only fully appreciate and understand while i am on the highway - cruising at 80kph, without a care in the world.

Feeling the Blues. Blues, Blues

i've been feeling very melancholic lately. and it's not even because i am broke! i feel sad. i feel lonely despite having raf with us now. this started when my parents and andi left. and for a while, i thought it's just one of those drama queen moments. i may be just homesick. i tried writing to take my mind off this weird sadness but it creeps back again, taunting, testing my patience. even the thought of shopping for gifts failed to brighten my spirits. and that's when i realized that no, this will not just go away until i acknowledge it. until i tell myself that yes, i am sad. boo hoo sad.

ate ai told me once that sadness, like happiness, should also be embraced because that's when and how we'll value the good and happy moments of our lives.

so maybe i'd be in this state for a while. i am sad but i am not miserable so wallowing in this thick soup of coldness isn't really something to be worried about. my happiness is just vacationing somewhere. i should learn to let it go sometimes.