So Long

i value relationships. i am the type who'd sacrifice, give in and exert effort to cultivate and maintain an honest and open relationship with my family and friends. but. i am also not afraid to walk away from anything that isn't healthy anymore. from anything that hurts, destructs and threatens me. maybe it isn't good and right, maybe i am being too ma-pride by being forgiving but not forgetting.

somebody asked me if i am ready to face this certain someone who made my life a bit difficult before. and i said, "no. maybe in time. but soon? no."

i don't want to sound all righteous and sweet and say, "of course, yes, i'd like to see her. past is past and i've already forgotten what she did and said about me." my brain, and heart, doesn't work that way, unfortunately. i don't have any problems saying "sorry" because i know i had a part in that drama as well. however, i don't think now, or sometime soon, is the right time for that confrontation. maybe when all disappointmens and frustrations have died down, maybe when the sting of being betrayed would finally go away, that's when i can genuinely welcome her into my life again. the thing about me is, i am sincerely nice and thoughtful and kind (sa mutuo mo or sa dili. hahaha) when i consider you as a friend or someone close to my heart. but when my trust is broken, or when i am repeatedly hurt, i turn into this cold, unfeeling monster who wouldn't give you the time of the day. tama na, palitan na, ang drama. hahaha.

so maybe 5 years from now i'll change my tune and be willing to be friends with her again. but for now, i'll take my lovely time and heal whatever that needs to be healed.