13 on 13

our elementary school had its first general alumni homecoming last saturday, the 13th. it was supposedly our batch's 13th anniversary as we graduated march 1995. of course, i wasn't able to attend because first and foremost, i only knew of the homecoming some 3 weeks ago. i don't want to sound so important but with my job, i need to plan all vacations and out-of-town trips. second, my parents were here and yes, the kids got sick. it would've been fun to see old classmates, to know how they're doing now and to catch up on who's dating who in our batch. hahaha.

friendster provides all these information, though. whenever i'd check former classmates' profiles and learn how they're all working now in these big companies and visiting countries and enjoying so much, i get happy. it's hard to imagine some of them, young and carefree and naughty and with snog dripping from their noses (haha!) then, becoming doctors and engineers and supervisors now. i am proud that public school products that we are, we have made it in the real world somehow.

and honestly sometimes, when i look at their young, carefree and i-have-conquered-the-world grins on their faces while posing in a foreign land, i feel a little wistful. oh, don't get me wrong. i have never regretted the fact that we, ppip and i, started young. but you know, it gets to you at times. that while your batchmates are having the time of their lives, driving their own car to work, you, the valedictorian of your batch, is a corporate slave, without even a car. in between bouts of insanity, i think, had my life been better if ppip and i practiced self-control? hahaha. now, pretend you didn't read that last sentence.

like last week. while everyone else has been busy scampering off to the mall, wasting their bonuses on shoes priced at P5000, i was busy as well - driving to and from chong hua, running errands and attending to my sick children. yes, it gives you a distinct self-worth, being this responsible young mother and all. but at the peak of my tiredness, a little voice says, "wouldn't it be so nice to not think of anyone else but you, you and you?" well, we chose this life. we could've easily decided to leave the kids at my mother's and she'd welcome the distraction with open arms but then, it wouldn't make me any happier as well.

maybe yes, i am insecure regarding some aspects of my life (but this definitely doesn't include being insecure about my husband. gawd, really! look at him and look at me and look at them) but it doesn't mean that i am not content nor happy. i am 26, i reckon it's normal for me to want to be free and get wild a few times a year? at least when i get 40, i wouldn't have that urge to act like 20 anymore. pray forbid that doesn't happen to me. i wouldn't want to be 40, frustrated, ugly, shriveled and unhappy. surely, when one isn't rich enough to afford facelift and botox and diamond peel, she doesn't have the right to be frustrated, ugly, shriveled and unhappy? hahaha.

ah, the reunion could've been fun indeed. maybe in our 20th year, i'd be there. and there'd be fireworks. and lots of laughter, reminiscing and no, not what-ifs.