Love, Your Daughter

i've always felt blessed to have a very close relationship with my mother. yes, we don't agree on some things and there were times when i wasn't so open and honest about certain situations but we have truly established something that not all mothers and daughters have. when i first knew that not all mothers are loving and caring to their children, i got surprised. i always had this notion that when you are a mother, it's innate and natural for you to be "the all" for your offspring.

my mother and my mamang (my nanay's mother) didn't have the best mother-daughter relationship. and i think, that motivated my nanay to exert more effort in expressing her affection for us. her mother wasn't affectionate to them, and so she knew how it can badly break a child's heart. growing up, they weren't that fortunate to have all those material things kids their age long for. so she exerted the effort to find a job so she can provide us our needs and wants. they didn't have the liberty and resources to choose and pursue their dreams. so she and my father gave us that freedom through working hard so we, their daughters, and not them, can achieve and follow our hearts' desires. i sometimes feel bad you know, when i think that she stopped dreaming for herself when they had us. everything now is about us, they rarely think of and for themselves.

i must admit that i am a rebel. well, i listen to her but i don't necessarily obey. there was one time when i got so mad because she wouldn't let me use the other car to drive to a friend's place 20 minutes from our town. i was pissed off because i felt chained. there's another car on the driveway, why can't i use the other one? she reasoned that the car has been having problems so it's not so safe to drive it around. stubborn that i am, i stormed out of her office, went straight home and kidnapped the car. i didn't buy the car problem story because i thought she just didn't want me to go out. halfway through the next town, the car sputtered and died on me. in the middle of the sugarcane fields. i got so scared because my mother was actually saying the truth! and i didn't believe her! it was a good thing my friend was with me so we found a way to rev the car up and get it going until we reach home. we were driving at 30kph because the engine would make that awful coughing sounds when we try to go faster. from then on, i started obeying her more. hehehe.

my mother is not at all kunsintidora. she would give us a good lashing if she needs to. and despite not really explaining why, we understood that it's her way of teaching us, of disciplining us. actions are more important than words for us because really, listening to my mother's tirade and sermon is perhaps the best torture for naughty kids. hahaha.

mother and daughter relationships are quite complicated, if i may say so because women are complicated individuals already. so just how difficult it is to nurture a mini-version of you? hahaha. i am just happy though that through all these years, my nanay has always been supportive and proud of my endeavors. despite others calling me mean and evil and all. yes, she knows everything! hahaha. and she would often scold me that people might think she's also mean because her daughters are. and i would always reply, "well, you can tell all those people that we're adopted." hahaha.

i've been telling her to stop working already because you know, she can just take care of our children and we'd give her a monthly allowance and all. hahaha. and she would always answer that no, she won't live with any of us, not unless for short vacations. she'd want to enjoy her healthy years with my father, touring around the world. hahaha. i am hoping that they'd spend christmas here. but that would mean a full house for us! yet, that also equals to yummy meals everyday and shopping till we drop!

ah, to have a nanay and a confidant and an emergency nanny. what more really, can a girl wish for? ;)